sovay | Mine own, and not mine own

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Mine own, and not mine own

So tonight

lignota posted one of those memes where you set a list of character questions and ask your friendlist to suggest fandoms to answer from:

Name a fandom and I'll tell you which character I most likely:

1. bake cupcakes for:
2. lend my books to:
3. put thumbtacks on the chair thereof:
4. have a crush on:
5. pack up and leave if they moved next door:
6. vote for President:
7. pick as my partner in a buddy movie:
8. pair up:
9. vote off the island and into the volcano:
10. wheedle into fixing my [whatever is currently broken around the house]:

I said the complete works of William Shakespeare.

Her answers were so brilliant, I sent the same meme—with the same fandom—to

nineweaving. Her answers were so brilliant, I couldn't turn down trying it myself. Now I want to know what the rest of my friendlist thinks. This is too much fun not to share.

(In the interests of example and honesty, my answers to Nine are below the cut.)

Oh, God. Some of mine will be taken, of course; I don't think anyone disputes that Beatrice and Benedick are one of the great romantic couples of Western literature, which would totally embarrass them to find out. Also the mechanicals were such an inspired choice, I can't disagree: if they're competent workmen, it's a good job and they'll probably leave you fliers for their next show, and if they're "Right Said Fred," at least you can sit back with popcorn and relax in the knowledge that it was worth in hilarity what you're about to pay in fire insurance. So let's see who's left . . .

1. Cupcakes: Malvolio. I cannot imagine he'd let himself be seen taking comfort food, but I conjecture that if you left a tray of tarts or a syllabub or something outside his door, you might find it'd disappeared the next time you walked by.

2. Books: Marina. Any character who can philosophize an entire brothel's clientele out of the activity traditionally practiced in such establishments (to the point of getting herself hired out as a teacher before she ruins their business entirely) is probably safe around your library.

3. Thumbtack: Leontes! What the fuck, man! Othello at least had a stealthy enemy actively working his destruction; you did it all on your own. You're just lucky you turned out to be in a pastoral romance, is all I'm saying. Under normal dramatic conditions, everybody would have died. (Runner-up: Prospero! Being wronged by your brother does not give you carte blanche to play writer-director with the lives of everyone around you, your daughter included. At least by contemporary standards you are still not as OH SHAKESPEARE NO as: Petruchio! Seriously! Your entire play is a problem by its premise, but you're not helping any!)

4. Crush: I recuse myself from this question, because the most recent Shakespearean character it's applicable to was wearing a really bad tie. I always liked Mercutio, though. And Benedick. And Karl Johnson's Ariel.

5. Flee: EVERYBODY IN THE MERCHANT OF VENICE. EXCEPT MAYBE JESSICA. BUT ALSO MAYBE NOT.

6. President: Viola, Duchess of Illyria. If she was clever enough to come out of a play that labyrinthine with her heart's desire, she'll do fine in government. Her husband might even make a decent Vice-President now that he's gotten over his romantically languishing period.

7. Buddy: I believe the genre of the buddy movie requires a pair of opposing personalities, which means I need someone I wouldn't necessarily hit it off with but could learn to bond with. Which means they can't be a complete asshat, even if they look like it at first. Er . . . I shall go alt-historical and suggest Tybalt, who isn't a villain per se, neither malicious nor stupid, just hot-tempered and house-proud. If you could keep him from killing himself in duels, who knows what he might mature into?

8. Pair: Beatrice and Benedick. It's a classic because it deserves it. Non-canonical runners-up: Starveling and Snug in that one production by the Boston Lyric Opera. They were so adorable.

9. Volcano: IF I HAVE TO LISTEN ANOTHER MINUTE OF YOUR REMORSEFUL RAVINGS MR. LEAR I AM LEAVING YOU ON THIS HEATH AND GOING THE NEXT MYTHOLOGY OVER TO HANG OUT WITH THE CHILDREN OF LÍR. AT LEAST THERE'S SHAPE-CHANGING IN THAT ONE TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THE SELF-PITY. AND I'M TAKING THE UMBRELLA WITH ME.

10. Fix-it: Quince & Co.! No job too small, no malapropism too large. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back plus two tickets to our next production. Funny, we never get repeat customers with that one.

Your picks?

In other news, I should really try to sleep. I have to vote in the morning. So, if you're in this country, should you.

[edit] Done.

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1. Cupcakes: Peter Quince? He's had a stressful production. Shakespeare himself, if he showed up in the wings.

2. Books: Not Hamlet. He turns leaves down, scribbles aphorisms in the margins, forgets them in open graves.

3. Thumbtack: Bertram. Nobody likes All's Well, except Oxfordians. They think he's Bertram. They're right.

4. Crush: Does it have to be romantic? For conversation, I want Beatrice, Viola, and Marina in my common room, with Peter Quince as librarian.

5. Flee: All the dreary roisterers: Sir Toby and Sir Andrew; Trinculo, Stephano & Co.; Slender & Shallow in their riotous youth; the Boar's Head gang; Lepidus, Antony, and Sextus Pompey.

Also the Titus Andronicoids.

6. President: Emigrate.

Imagining four years of Oberon and Titania. And hail and havoc. With twenty minutes of peace, fecundity, and foison. Then the quarrel would begin again...

7. Buddy movie: Heh. Wait for the Ben story.

8. Pair: Beatrice & Benedick. The Witches. OT3!

9. Volcano: The First & Second Murderers. I'd like to sleep at night.

10. Fix-it: Likewise the Rude Mechanicals. Do they make house calls? Curtain calls?

Nine

Do you mind if I play? I voted early and now I'm trying to wake up the rest of the way. :)

1. Cupcakes: Ophelia. And then sit her down and explain why Hamlet's not worth it and a pre-Reformation nunnery is actually a pretty decent place from which to control property. (Although given that it's a revenge tragedy, she'd probably have been poisoned there a la Jew of Malta.) Also: Shylock.

2. Books: Either reformed post-play Prospero (hey, the guy has some real respect for books and decades of bestsellers to catch up on!) or Katharina (because I think she'd enjoy the feminist critical theory).

3. Thumbtacks: Lucio in _Measure for Measure_ and all the other characters who think prostitution and STDs make for hilarious comic relief.

4. Crush: Celia, who is pretty much the epitome of awesome sidekick with a nifty secondary romance. (On a more heterosexual note, I think Oliver is my one and only reformed-bad-boy crush.)

5. Flee: Falstaff. Depending on which play we are in, I am likely to either get caught up in deadly court politics, drafted into a war (if anything slightly less deadly provided I know my way around a longbow), or aggressively and cluelessly propositioned along with any other vaguely female-shaped people in my household. Also Titania and Oberon, because, wow, there goes the neighborhood. And pretty much the entire cast of all the tragedies and histories.

6. President: Rosalind. Political family, good at bipartisanship and deal-cutting.

7. Buddy-movie Partner: La Pucelle. I'm pretty sure my buddy-movie partner is required to be the same gender as me and to have fighting skills, since I'm the bookish one. I'm also open to Queen Margaret.

8. Pair: I actually do like Duke/Isabella, but I think it calls for long-form fanfic or another play, not a tossed-off couplet at the end of a tragicomedy.

9. Volcano: Antonio at the end of Merchant of Venice. OK, Antonio pretty much throughout Merchant of Venice. And most of the cast of Titus Andronicus for obvious reasons.

10. Fix-it: Ariel, if we were on good terms. (I have no problem whatsoever with magical fix-its.) Otherwise, yes, the mechanicals.

I don't know Shakespeare enough to do this, but I find this basic concept charming.

Working on waking up.

1. Cupcakes: Timon of Athens. I shall make parsnip cupcakes, and then he can't object.

2. Books: Miranda. The life she's had, with her father with all those magical books right there, and probably not letting her into the really interesting ones.

3. Thumbtack: Petruchio. Is there some way of ensuring it follows him wherever he goes, a la one of those may your feet always be cold curses?

4. Crush: No. Not unless Karl Johnson is always Ariel.

5. Flee: THE BEAR. IT SAYS SO RIGHT THERE READ THE DIRECTIONS PEOPLE

6. President: Katharine. She'll do quite well once the lesbian-feminist phase after the divorce has become slightly less militant.

7. Buddy: Richard III. Because a buddy movie where your companion continually talks everyone into upgrading your hotels sounds good to me.

8. Pair: Beatrice and Benedick, duh, end of sentence, it's the only romance in Shakespeare which will last.

9. Volcano: Dogberry. GET OUT OF THE PLAY WHICH WOULD BE BASICALLY PERFECT IF YOU WERE NOT IN IT

10. Fix-it: Oberon and Titania, of course. Because there has to be some impetus to send you on a buddy movie with Richard III.

I would watch a Rosalind-Othello buddy cop movie; I feel like she could keep him from acting the fool and he could give her something more interesting to do than wander around with exiles.

Interesting meme. Unfortunately, I'm pants at these things and don't know Shakespeare anything like well enough.

I hope you found sleep. Glad you've voted. I've done likewise. Still debating whether I'll try to do NaNo or instead make myself finish stories I've got sitting round.

I AM LEAVING YOU ON THIS HEATH AND GOING THE NEXT MYTHOLOGY OVER TO HANG OUT WITH THE CHILDREN OF LÍR. AT LEAST THERE'S SHAPE-CHANGING IN THAT ONE TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THE SELF-PITY. AND I'M TAKING THE UMBRELLA WITH ME.

My tea nearly spilled all over the desk on that one from the amount of laughter.

I love number three, and I love the whole text of your answer to it. I think I'd put them on Henry V's chair. I resent that guy so much. Such an asshole for all of Henry IV parts 1 and 2, and then becomes Mr. Great King. Huh! Thumbtacks to you! Henry Vee!

I wish I remembered more of the comedies, but they've all blurred for me, so the only plays I have to draw on are the handful of tragedies I recall from taking Shakespeare in college (and from high school).

You and Tybalt would make *awesome* buddies, I think. And while we're on Romeo and Juliet, I think I'd like to make cupcakes for just about everyone in that play. Solve this family feud with .... CUPCAKES.

Edited 2012-11-07 07:42 (UTC)

Oof. My Shakespeare's too sketchy for this one. Give me another fandom and I'll see what I can do.

Excellent <3

You know, I'm not well up enough in Shakespeare any more to do this! Try something else. (I'd say you could try Marlowe, but his canon is tiny. All of Faustus would fall victim by attrition.)

This has been, I must note, hysterical to read.

Ok. Note that when translating I am a linguist, not a poet.

1. Bake cupcakes for: Heiðrún, the mead-making goat. I have not yet met a goat I did not like, and Heiðrún has been on my Top 5 Goats of the Year List forever. A self-respecting mythical goat should enjoy cupcakes, but if not, I am also handy with cabbage.

Heiðrún heitir geit, er stendr hǫllo á Heriafǫðrs
oc bítr af Læraðs limom,
Scapker fylla hon scal ins skíra miaðar
knáat sú veig vanaz. (Grm. 25)

Heithrun is called the goat
who stands by the Hosts-father’s hall
And bites on Lærað’s branches.
A vat* she** shall fill with the bright*** mead,
that intoxicating beverage that can never run out!

*skap-ker: skap- here means fitting, right, correct.
** she, the text says, and obviously Heiðrún is a girl’s name, yet Thorpe translates “he” – what’s up with the goat-mysogyny?
***skírr is bright, or clear; I like ‘bright’

2. lend my books to: Huginn and Muninn; I do so anyway. Such books as are not being lent to either of those worthy ravens are very sad books indeed.

Huginn oc Muninn fliúga hverian dag
iormungrund yfir;
Óomc ec of Hugin, at hann aptr né komið,
Þó siámc meirr um Munin. (Grm. 15)

Thought and Memory fly each day
over the immense ground (= earth),
Fear I for Thought, that he shall not come back,
though even more for Memory.

And I would borrow books from Alvíss, the incredible dwarf linguist!

Segðu mér þát, Alvíss, -ǫll of rǫc fira
voromc, dvergr, at vitir-
hvé sá eldr heitir, er brenn fyr alda sonom
heimi hveriom í.

Eldr heitir með mǫnnom, enn með ásom funi,
kalla vag vanir,
frecan iotnar, enn forbrenni dvergar,
kalla í helio hrǫðuð. (Alv. 25-26)

Tell me that, Alviss – all people’s fates
it seems to me, dwarf, that you know –
how is fire called, that burns for mankind
in each of the worlds.

It’s called fire among men, and among the Aesir – flame,
Vanir call it conflagration,*
giants call it ravenous, and the dwarves - burner,
in Hel they call it hurrier.

* vag is a hapax legomenon. Do we need more evidence that the Vanir spoke a separate language? Methinks not!

3. put thumbtacks on the chair thereof: Bragi! Because I am with Loki here:

Sniallr ertu í sessi, scalattu svá gora,
Bragi, beccscrautuðr! (Ls. 15)

Bold are you on the seat, you shall do no such thing (= cut Loki’s head off),
Bragi, you are a bench-ornament!

4. have a crush on: Kostbera. It’s the magical literacy thing.

Kend var Kostbera, kunni hon scil rúna,
inti orðstafi at eldi liósom ;
gæta varð hon tungo í góma báða:
váro svá viltar, at var vant at ráða. (Am. 9)

Kostbera was learned, she knew how to interpret runes,
read out the letters by the bright fire;
she became attentive to her tongue and both gums,
they (= the runes) were so tangled, it was hard to interpret them.

I was sorely tempted to say “Thor in drag,” but see 5. He's also not my type. Nevertheless:

Bundo þeir þór þá brúðar líni
oc ino micla meni Brísinga,
Léto und hánom hrynia lucla
oc qvennváðir um kné falla,
Enn á briósti breiða steina
oc hagliga um hǫfuð typþo. (þrm 19)

Bound they Thor then in the bridal veil,*
and in the great necklace of Brisings.
Let the keys rattle around him,**
And women’s garments fall to the knee,
And on the breast the broad gems
And pleasingly arranged his hair up.***

*the bridal veil here is, of course, the bridal linen.
** the mistress of the house wears the keys on her belt as a symbol of her authority.
*** It could also mean a headdress, but I like this possibility better.

5. pack up and leave if they moved next door: Thor. I mean, he kills Alvíss, I will never forgive him this.

Edited 2012-11-09 15:51 (UTC)

6. vote for President: Útgarða-Loki. He wins the nomination due to smarts, size, administrative experience, and the fact that he has a mitten. His vice-president is Kvasir (yes I know he gets killed and made into the mead of poetry, but I don't see why the Mead of Poetry cannot be vice-president?)

7. Pick as my partner in a buddy movie: Bǫlverkr. Though it’s the other way around and already well established.

Inn aldna iǫtun ec sótta, nú em ec aptr um kominn,
fát gat ec þegiandi þar;
mǫrgom orðom mælta et í minn frama
í Suttungs sǫlom. (Hav. 104)

I sought an old giant, now am I come back,
little got I there by keeping silent;
with many words I talked myself forward
in the halls of Suttungr.

8. Pair up: Skirnir and Loki. One curse-talked a giantess into sleeping with his master Freyr (who strangely enough, in another Eddic lay, is said never to have made a woman weep); another curse-talked a whole assembly of gods into kicking his salmon-shaped behind. I am curious as to what they will do to each other, though I can venture an educated guess.

Til holtz ec gecc oc til hrás viðar,
gambantein at geta,
gambantein ec gat. (Skm. 32)

To the wood I went and to the green-sap forest,
to get a stick of power,
a stick of power I got.

9. Vote off the island and into the volcano: Guðrún. She is heroic and everything, but I believe the bit about killing one's own children to feed to her husband as a method of revenge is something of an overkill.

10. Wheedle into fixing my [whatever is currently broken around the house]: Vǫlundr! I like him a lot even though he commits rather horrible crimes.

Sat á berfialli, bauga talði,
Álfa lióði, eins sacnaði. (Vkv. 10)

Sat on the bear-pelt, counted rings,
Prince of the elves, he saw one was missing.

It must be his obsessive making and then counting of rings that endears him to me.

Ooh, my Shakespeare is a bit spotty, but let's see.

1. Cupcakes: Horatio. I am fond of Horatio -- he seems fairly sensible for a tragedy-character -- and he gets a raw deal with everybody dying around him, and then having to explain to Fortinbras what the shit just happened. He needs cupcakes.

2. Books: Hmm. Uh. I'm really not coming up with anyone I would trust to take care of my books. Portia, maybe? Portia doesn't gallivant around woodlands a whole lot, and she seems interested in books, unlike a lot of the comedy characters.

3. Thumbtack: Antonio. Dear god, man, stop enabling Bassanio's terrible codependent streak, or whatever the hell that was! You're an idiot and I wish Shylock had gotten to carve you up. (I may have Feelings about Antonio, partly based on being told in high-school English, in defiance of the text, that he has no bad qualities because he's a "Christ-figure". Homeschooling, man. *headshake*)

4. Crush: Probably Bottom, if we're being entirely honest. As opposed to someone I would actually date, which would be Beatrice, although I probably couldn't handle her.

5. Flee: Falstaff, oh my god. Perhaps I just haven't seen the right performance, but Falstaff disturbs me in some way I can't nail down.

6. President: I'd vote Beatrice in the primaries, but I suspect Portia has a better chance of making it to the general election. Portia is basically made of politics.

7. Buddy: As my partner? Bottom again, Cagney edition specifically. I can play to my own strengths as a relatively quiet paperworky type, he can bombast around like a slightly more competent Dogberry, we may or may not get anything done but is that really the point? It'll be fun. ^_^ Also, probably a lot like Hot Fuzz, which I love.

8. Pair: Beatrice and Benedick, because yeah, obviously. :-) Non-canonically, I'm fond of Hamlet/Horatio.

9. Volcano: Henry V. What a manipulative asshole. I'm pretty thoroughly amazed Shakespeare passed that off as a positive portrayal.

10. Fix-it: Yeah, the mechanicals seem like a win-win. :D

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Part 1! (the whole thing is apparently too long)

Part 2!

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