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If I tell you that I love you, will you even be there?
I had a very nice time at a party tonight and I am still exhausted about everything and I think it is adversely affecting my mood and I am beginning to be concerned that my capacities for self-assessment are permanently scrambled. I thought I had gotten most of the land mines out of my head and now I am starting to feel there is nothing else left in there. I can track this downturn to the last month and a half and it tallies with several overlapping medical issues, one of which had a direct and awful mental effect that I am still not convinced has worn off, but it is really just not normal for me to spend this much time having to fight my brain over reality. It is not normal for me to be so reliably upset by people saying nice things to me, or making friendly gestures, or appreciating stories I tell. It is not normal for me to have to tell myself so firmly that they mean it or that it is not a transient glamour whose tolerance will very shortly run out. It takes energy I really do not have to spare and I would like it to stop, thanks. It used to be something I did not have to think about at all.
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Well, yes, yes it will, unfortunately. In every possible way, definitely including stealing all the value out of compliments and putting stings into innocent comments. /person with chronic fatigue syndrome.
I hope very much things take an upturn for you soon, that this too will pass, and in the meantime, try and be as gentle with yourself as you can. ♥
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It's really out of bounds even than what I'm used to.
I hope very much things take an upturn for you soon, that this too will pass, and in the meantime, try and be as gentle with yourself as you can.
Thank you. It seems to be unnecessarily difficult.
*hugs*