Mary, Mary hold on tightly, over water, under the sea

[sovay]

Today was cold and grey and unspringlike; I didn't go out, I made myself dinner, I read a couple of books and a couple of scripts and worked on nothing except this story which I am still trying not to break. I don't seem to have the brain to work on anything else. I remember being able to multitask around fiction, but I suspect that was when I did not go years between completing stories. Both of the cats have been affectionate and inconvenient. I am telling myself it is not bad to have days like this.

Comments

[kore]

I think one of the worst things about financially struggling is how often it feels, at least to me, that working on something 'just' enjoyable or personally important, or even something that might not be immediately salable, seems like it always must be put on hold for money work or at the very least be subordinate to it.

It is totally not bad for you to get to have one day (or several, or however many) to work on your story, especially after a drought.

[sovay]

I think one of the worst things about financially struggling is how often it feels, at least to me, that working on something 'just' enjoyable or personally important, or even something that might not be immediately salable, seems like it always must be put on hold for money work or at the very least be subordinate to it.

Yes. Because if I have not destroyed myself trying to make money, then I am lazy and I deserve all the bad things that happen to me, I especially don't deserve any help or sympathy; and any time I take off, if it is not devoted immediately to someone else's welfare, is mere proof that I am a drain on the system and a waste of everyone's better-spent time.

I don't even believe this, but I feel I am told it constantly. Not by anyone who cares for me. Not by family or friends. Just like radiation in the air. It interacts poorly, or very successfully, with my default state of mind.

It is totally not bad for you to get to have one day (or several, or however many) to work on your story, especially after a drought.

Thank you. What I really want is the ability to take a week and work on nothing but this story (with time off for Patreon if desired) but I cannot get that and I resent it.