Don't think you're immune—it could be happening to you

[sovay]

Nothing has happened recently to highlight it, but I am going through another round of furiously resenting that I had to develop social skills. I did, of course, and people I trust tell me they're good, and I am actively not interested in being a jerk. Other people were a more alien language to me than Akkadian and I learned them. That's an accomplishment. But all I really wanted, even into grad school, was to be good at things and left alone. I thought for years that if the first part were true enough, the second would follow automatically.

Comments

[yhlee]

*support support*

I spent a very long time convinced that social skills were stupid and pointless. It was only in college that I started to relent. My need for alone time is probably less than yours but I sympathize with the sentiment.

[sovay]

My need for alone time is probably less than yours but I sympathize with the sentiment.

I appreciate it.

A lot of social ritual feels like lying to me and always has. Even small things like people saying "How are you?" when what they really mean is "You are a person and I am also a person and I acknowledge your presence in this space we both exist in." I understand the uses of it; it just feels fundamentally false to say "Fine, thank you" instead of a real answer. About ten or twelve years ago I just started saying "I'm alive."

*hugs*

[yhlee]

I hear you; I felt the same way about "How are you?"/"Fine, thank you." It took me a very long time to learn that people didn't want a literal answer. Eventually I realized it was social lubrication, but man, a very long time figuring that out.

*hugs back*

[ethelmay]

About ten or twelve years ago I just started saying "I'm alive."

My husband tends to say "Eh, still standing." People are usually fine with that. Admittedly it works better if he says it cheerfully. I think he started saying it during a time when things were pretty stressful, but now it's habit.