And they'll coach you in the classroom that it cannot happen here, but it has happened here

[sovay]

I didn't realize how much I had existentially relaxed in the last eight years—how much having Obama in office made me feel safer on some unnoticed level, because I knew the world was getting better in ways that mattered deeply, no matter the turmoil and backlash of working out the routes and means. I thought I could expect it to keep getting better. My low-bar, minimum-clearance definition of better was apparently so terrifying and repugnant to more than half the country I live in that they killed it. Now I don't feel safe and neither do most of the people I love and I know I will have to find ways to fight for them, because the alternative is not acceptable to me (nor would it make me safer: I am not in the demographic of America Trump promises to make great again), but it feels exhausting even to contemplate and any fight of this kind will take the most resources from the people who already have the least to spare. Right now I cannot imagine relaxing again and I spent most of my adulthood working to convince myself that this world was a good place to stay in; now I feel it would be irresponsible to leave it, but I don't expect to enjoy it. This is the tension of the Bush years. Worse, in fact, because then I thought we must have hit rock bottom, surely we must recover, if we just don't blow up the planet there cannot be farther to fall. This is not how I had hoped to feel by today. I don't believe in miracles, but an improbability would have really been nice.

Comments

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

I an here, feeling much the same, but also, a sense of purpose. We were always afraid of something like this. Parts of our brains have been preparing us for it since we first listened to the stories from the past that told us to always be vigilant.

I -am- scared, but I also want to stay and fight. To put this right. If we all do it, maybe we can make a difference. I've already lived the life of an exile once, I'd rather not have to do it again.

*sending you strength*

[sovay]

I -am- scared, but I also want to stay and fight. To put this right. If we all do it, maybe we can make a difference.

I am not under any circumstances saying that I will not fight or that it is not worth the effort. It has always been necessary to fight. This year, last year, before Donald Trump came on the political scene. (Black lives matter.) But I am very upset that it is now required at this magnitude and I am upset at the time and resources it is going to consume that could have gone into science or art or education or improving the world instead of trying to hold a line against it and I am upset that the country I live in wanted to set itself back instead of supporting the future. Doing nothing, resigning myself, saying that I did what I could when I voted and now there's nothing more to be done, is not possible: it is Hellman's standing around and watching (or, as I said to rushthatspeaks last night, letting the terrorists win). I just don't have to like how the alternative looks right now!

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

I never thought you wouldn't want to fight. I hate this situation, and agree that I would rather have channeled this energy into a peaceful life.

May we all be equal to what's coming.

Strength to your arm.

[sovay]

I never thought you wouldn't want to fight.

I just wanted to be very clear. I think this is a situation where apathy or paralysis, whether from fear or resignation, will be more fatal than ever.

May we all be equal to what's coming.

You can tell how I'm feeling from the fact that I read your icon as a form of Atlas, shouldering the world.

Strength to your arm.

To yours, too.

*hugs*