Dudley Do-Right's such a jerk

[sovay]

Long before I actually read or saw anything that would qualify as a traditional Victorian melodrama, I learned a thirty-second parody of the genre from my grandmother, who performed it in three voices with the aid of a napkin doubling (tripling?) for the whiplash moustache of a villain, the hair-bow of a damsel in distress, and the bowtie of a hero. The immortal dialogue ran as follows:

"I've come to collect the rent."
"I can't pay the rent!"
"I've come to collect the rent."
"I can't pay the rent!"
"I'll pay the rent!"
"My hero!"
"Curses, foiled again!"

Did anyone else's relatives ever pull this out at family dinners, or was it just me? It has the feel of a time-honored piece of shtick, but I can't remember ever running into anyone else who knew it—admittedly, I've never asked point-blank. I assume now it will turn out to be one of those things everyone gets from their grandparents at an impressionable age. Internet?

Comments

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

We had this, also another one, requiring two people:

"Who will carry the mail to bloody gulch?"
"I will"
"And who are you?"
"Rudy Tootie."
"Rudy Tootie in the zoot suity?"
"The same."
"Father!"
"Son!"

[sovay]

"Rudy Tootie."
"Rudy Tootie in the zoot suity?"

I don't think I've ever heard this! That's great!

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

Got it from my grandfather.

I am not sure how I missed this post before.

[sovay]

I am not sure how I missed this post before.

I'm glad you found it!

I really wasn't expecting as much of a response as I got. I spend two days writing an essay, crickets in the aether. I ask a question about something I expect might at most turn out to be an obscure vaudeville joke, everybody's a contributor!

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

These things also happen to me. I never know what's actually going to get a response or not.

[mamishka.livejournal.com]

I know I experienced this, but as I recall my experience of it was through a movie.

Now, of course, I'm going to be up all night trying to remember what the movie was. o.O The only thing I can remember is that I'm pretty sure a girl was performing the schtick.

[sovay]

The only thing I can remember is that I'm pretty sure a girl was performing the schtick.

gwynnega remembered seeing it performed by Gena Rowlands in A Woman Under the Influence (1970). If it's featured in other movies, I have no idea.

Yes!

[mary thull krempel (from livejournal.com)]

Ours went:
I've come to collect the rent
I can't pay the rent
But you Must pay the rent
(Mountie)- I'll pay the rent!
(Villain)- No you Wont' pay the rent!
(Penelope) But I can't pay the rent!
(Villain) Then I'll have to get the Whip!
(Penelope) Oh No Not The Whip!
(V) The Whip, Yes the Whip!
(Mountie) Here is your Rent!
My Hero!
Curses, Foiled Again!

of course the entire parody was performed by one person. We knew it was coming when someone reached for a tissue, a napkin, a sock, and twisted it into a bowtie which was placed at the upper lip for the landlord, on the hair for the damsel, at the neck for the Mountie, and of course one cannot be Foiled, Again without a ball of tinfoil being thrown at them, which was in abundance because you were all gathered for a big dinner anyway.

All I have to do anymore is Post, Oh No not the Whip and my family collapses in gales of laughter!

[sovay]

All I have to do anymore is Post, Oh No not the Whip and my family collapses in gales of laughter!

That's wonderful.

Thank you for contributing!