sovay | Someday everyone will know exactly what you did

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Someday everyone will know exactly what you did

I am not awake enough for a con report. Have some notes.

(I wrote up Thursday. I did not succeed in doing this with any other days of the con. I tried around two or three in the morning on Saturday, but ended up reading Verlaine and The Great Lover instead, which must have done a number on my dreams.)

New Readercon Experience #1345: Durian. Wrestled open by

scottedelman on the sidewalk out front of the hotel on Friday night after Meet the Pros(e), first with a kind of clasp knife that disintegrated on engagement with the spiky rind, then with a reenactor's dagger borrowed from

schreibergasse and later repurposed for the evisceration of the jackfruit, which Scott had thoughtfully brought along as a chaser. I may someday be banned from taking mass transit in Singapore, because it turns out I like durian. The first one he opened was afterward agreed to have not been quite ripe, because it tasted like a mild, custardy sort of melon with some faint, sharp undertones; there seemed to be a general air of disappointment that it wasn't causing stampedes, seizures, or at least a noticeable smell. The second one cracked open and all of a sudden the crowd started to thin. Schreiber' said it smelled like a gas leak. I believe Scott referred to it as a diaper. More than one person claimed it tasted like an industrial accident with an onion. (

rushthatspeaks never got past the cautiously inhaling stage, because they couldn't convince their body it wasn't onion and therefore not poisonous.) I found the second durian markedly more strongly flavored than the first, but not at all disgusting—mostly confusing, because it tasted more than anything like a cross between stone fruit and Guinness cheddar. Seriously umami. Sort of the texture of pumpkin or squash. I didn't eat very much just in case it turned out I was allergic or otherwise unfit for durian consumption, but I certainly wouldn't have handled it with hazmat tape. Geoff Ryman said it demonstrated the paucity of human vocabulary when it came to describing smell or taste, especially because each person seemed to perceive it differently. Later that night, I found myself attempting to summarize the durian to

greygirlbeast: "It's like the face of God, but funny-tasting."

It is stupid that the last time I saw

hans_the_bold in person was quite possibly last year's Readercon. At least this time I got to have dinner with him three times in two nights, and real conversation. Later on, he read from his dread masterpiece, Gay, Bejeweled Nazi Bikers of Gor, the prize of Kirk Poland and the bane of many a formerly functioning brain cell. I think I watched

gaudior actually hurt herself laughing.

It is slightly less stupid from a geographical standpoint that I haven't seen

handful_ofdust in person since last year's Readercon, either, but from the standpoint of people who are awesome to hang out with, it is dumber than a bag of rocks. We fortunately contrived late-night conversation about A Tree of Bones and dinner at the Summer Shack on Saturday with

cristalia,

cucumberseed, and

hans_the_bold at the expense of many undeserving, but delicious shellfish. She gave me a green-barnacled oyster shell nearly the length of my hand. I wish I had the finances for more conventions, or at least plane tickets.

It is not stupid at all that I had seen

greygirlbeast and

humglum just the week before, because they are amazing. I was scheduled across from almost all of Caitlín's panels, but I did manage to make her talk on the writing and editing of Two Worlds and In Between, where mostly I contributed proofreading PTSD. I am only sorry that dinner didn't work out any of the nights, but that's what next year is for.

gaudior is my best cousin; she bargained a NESFA limited edition of Tanith Lee's Unsilent Night (1981)—containing perhaps my favorite short story by the author, the shape-changing Carthaginian "Sirriamnis"—down to less than half its cover price, simply with a kind of bright, interested look, as if she were asking something very reasonable. The proprietor was still exclaiming to himself as we left, "What did I do that for?" Every time he caught sight of us after that, he pointed us out to the nearest listener with a kind of rueful awe. I really owe her a poem now. Possibly I should write him one, too.

In addition to a watercolor of a Birch family that I got as (wholly unnecessary) bribery for attending his reading,

cucumberseed presented me with the Last Minute Panicked Vampire Mix!, which I am listening to as I type.

mrbelm appears to have given me the complete Matmos on CD. I don't usually come away from Readercon with other media. I hope it's permitted in the bylaws.

I did not win the Rhysling Award, but

csecooney did, so that's cool.

After twenty-five years, the audience finally won the Kirk Poland Memorial Bad Prose Competition—

time_shark came in a very respectable second, meaning he is now the corollary of an extant rule. I don't know about the mystical properties of Himalayan salt, but I'm going to remember the lyrics the Star Trek theme song for the rest of my life.

After three years, I think it is now formally a tradition that after either Meet the Pros(e) or Kirk Poland, Michael Cisco and I stay up and talk ourselves stupid. This year, he decided to add whiskey to the process. We started with Hammer horror and ended up everywhere from Pamela Franklin and the guqin to Gogol and giallo films to Robert Walser and the trombone, with zigzags of family history and Flann O'Brien. At around five in the morning, we were talking about Tibetan demons and how we wanted our bodies disposed of. I watched a very beautiful smolder of sunrise along the Boston skyline as I answered my e-mail, then showered and collapsed for less than four hours. This has actually nothing to do with why I introduced myself as a zombie yak herder at the last panel on my schedule.

(I moderated all but one of the five panels I was on. People seemed to like them. I think the readings went well, too: two poems of mine and one of

rushthatspeaks', one of my stories and one by

strange_selkie. "The audiences, while not wildly enthusiastic, were tolerant. By this I mean they rarely left in groups . . .")

Book haul: in addition to the aforementioned, Gemma Files' A Rope of Thorns (2011), which I made the author sign, William Hope Hodgson's The House on the Borderland (1908) with a terrible paperback cover, a gift from

rushthatspeaks, and David Lunde's Breaking the Willow: Poems of Parting, Exile, Separation & Reunion (2008), which the translator signed of his own accord. I did not have nearly enough time with him, or with

teenybuffalo, or with

readingthedark, never mind the various people I waved at in passing and ran to my next panel. This is a problem endemic to conventions, but it seemed in particular effect at this one, especially as everyone seemed to disappear before I could say goodbye to them. Someday I will be on a panel with

lesser_celery. It will be great fun and then the Fenrisúlfr will devour the sun.

Oh, and if you didn't see the flyers or the internet: our next year's Guests of Honor are Caitlín R. Kiernan, Peter Straub, and the ghost of Shirley Jackson. It's going to be magnificent.

I am very, very tired.

I wish I'd remembered a camera.

It was a good con.

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and then the Fenrisúlfr will devour the sun.

While Noel says, "Kitty!"

I'm very glad you had fun, got books, conversed, survived, in random order. Now I collapse.

I'm very glad you had fun, got books, conversed, survived, in random order. Now I collapse.

I respect the state of collapse. It's rather where I am at the moment: I slept, but I am just exhausted. I do not foresee doing much in the next few days at all.

Feel better yourself.

I made Gemma sign her book too--sitting across the way from the Chizine table gave me lots of opportunity to see that it was there--and then got to have a very brief conversation with her early on Sunday morning.

Helping to staff that table was an interesting experience. On the one hand, it meant I didn't get to half as many things as I wanted to get to. On the other, people came by and talked, and that was fun. It was neat to spend time with David Lunde, for instance, and getting to say hello to Patricia McKillup was pretty dang cool, too! (And John Hodges, the other guy who helped staff the table, was a real gent, too--he helped out at the table while running that whole blood drive, as far as I can tell.)

And it was very, very neat to finally meet

gaudior, whom I've admired on LJ, and to see

rushthatspeaks again. (And to meet tons of other people, but of the ones you happened to mention here.)

Is the nice guy who helped find a volunteer anyone on LJ? (Do you mention him here?)

Edited 2011-07-18 11:02 (UTC)

and then got to have a very brief conversation with her early on Sunday morning.

I plan to stalk her at KGB in October.

On the one hand, it meant I didn't get to half as many things as I wanted to get to. On the other, people came by and talked, and that was fun.

The first year I came to Readercon was not for the purpose of running the SFPA table, but that is a lot of what I remember doing. Oh, the halcyon days when I could afford the dealer's room.

It was neat to spend time with David Lunde, for instance, and getting to say hello to Patricia McKillip was pretty dang cool, too!

Those were two of the people I particularly wanted to say goodbye to: they had vanished by the time I got out of my last panel on Sunday, although David Lunde came to my reading and I was very glad to see him. I wish I had reasons to visit the Pacific Northwest. I wish I had the budget.

And it was very, very neat to finally meet gaudior, whom I've admired on LJ, and to see rushthatspeaks again.

They remain my best cousins.

Is the nice guy who helped find a volunteer anyone on LJ? (Do you mention him here?)

That would be

schreibergasse. He is very cool.

I plan to stalk her at KGB in October.

I plan to be your accomplice.

Postscript--you guys were very brave and adventuresome to try durian! (I realize that plenty of people eat it as a matter of course, but still.)

you guys were very brave and adventuresome to try durian!

Why wouldn't I? I was curious!

One would see you in passing, like a comet. You blazed.

(I so love your Icelandic story.)

Nine

(I so love your Icelandic story.)

Thank you. It was important to me.

I had a small suspicion that, if anyone I knew, you would be the one to like durian. Your description is spot on. Apparently, there is a myth that durian trees are kindly things, and will not drop their (potentially lethal in context) fruit if there is anyone beneath. Someday, I want to know enough about a place where durian grows to write a story about a villain so miserable and wicked that a durian tree kills him on purpose.

I am also damned glad that I gave you the vampire mix. I forgot who got which, though I remember it seemed absolutely obvious at the time. Giving a CD that contains "Want" on it to someone one knows less well... I think a restraining order is a reasonable reaction. You and Francesca were the most difficult to give mixes to, since I give you guys new, cool music that comes my way almost by reflex.

I had excellent and perspective giving conversations after Kirk Poland as well, but ah, I wish I could command the other clones that look like me who are walking the earth and upload their experiences. For the record, air burial, under a hemlock tree, assuming any outlast me, what with the blight that's been killing them and all.

I had a small suspicion that, if anyone I knew, you would be the one to like durian.

I take that as a compliment!

Your description is spot on.

So you don't think it eats like an allium landfill, either?

Someday, I want to know enough about a place where durian grows to write a story about a villain so miserable and wicked that a durian tree kills him on purpose.

Dude, yes.

I am also damned glad that I gave you the vampire mix.

It's full of artists I don't know at all: I like this sort of thing. Also, cello criminal.

I had excellent and perspective giving conversations after Kirk Poland as well, but ah, I wish I could command the other clones that look like me who are walking the earth and upload their experiences.

Don't feel alone; it's a common complaint.

For the record, air burial, under a hemlock tree, assuming any outlast me, what with the blight that's been killing them and all.

Check.

Star Trek got canned for a reason;
"Spock's Brain" began the third season.
The show that might have soared, instead
Sagged bonelessly, and was dead.

time_shark's delivery was magnificent and simple.

But were you a zombie herder of yaks, or a herder of zombie yaks? This is a nice point.

The show that might have soared, instead
Sagged bonelessly, and was dead.

I know. I'm not sure it can quite displace the awful, real-life inexplicability of Love, strange love a star woman teaches, but I laughed out loud. A lot.

But were you a zombie herder of yaks, or a herder of zombie yaks? This is a nice point.

The former; there was nothing wrong with the yaks.

The third line is actually

The show, which should have completely soared, instead

which scans along with the penultimate line of the sheet music. "Completely" was originally "adroitly," but I decided that was too arty.

I worked long enough composing this quatrain, and in general contemplating the proper use of this year's catchphrase, that my brain now believes that "sagged bonelessly and was dead" is the actual last line of the theme; I can no longer hear the music without those words. And I have been hearing the music a lot since Thursday.

This is a small price to pay, however, if people laughed.

My other great delight was the audience reaction to Mike's introduction, which I had no guarantee would work. I knew, of course, that he had written a very competitive set of entries.

We ended up, BTW, not creating the Mike Allen rule, but rather remembering the long-forgotten John Kessel interpretation of the Darrell Schweitzer rule. Turns out that the latter never did state that if you lost twice, you had to leave the competition; what it has said all along (I really need better reading glasses) is that if you finished behind the reigning champion twice, you had to step down. The correct interpretation was first discovered after one-time loser Kessel beat reigning champ Geary Gravel at Readercon 12, but Shariann Lewitt beat them both. John was allowed to return and lost to Glenn Grant at Readercon 14.

So Mike not only gets to compete next year, he needs merely to finish ahead of the audience to compete again at Readercon 24 (something I was unaware of until minutes ago). After that, it may get tougher.

That sounds wonderful on all fronts. I hope someday to make it back to Readercon. The only one that I attended was epic levels of awful due to companion drama that didn't exactly involve me, but rebounded at me to ridiculous levels.

Sometime soon I hope I can exorcise the ghost of that Readercon by adding a better set of memories.

Sometime soon I hope I can exorcise the ghost of that Readercon by adding a better set of memories.

Come next year! There will be ghosts everywhere, but none of them yours.

Tempting indeed. Happy phantoms are to be hoped for.

I may even have a few interested companions this time. :)

I had a wonderful time, and it was great to see you and actually have a chance to chat. My invitation to Hanscon remains open, including a screeing of Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and Slave girls from beyond Infinity.

Plus lots of curry and vindaloo.

My invitation to Hanscon remains open, including a screening of Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and Slave girls from beyond Infinity.

The thing is, I know you're not making up either one of those titles . . .

Plus lots of curry and vindaloo.

We should plan this.

I have a fond hope that, while on this side of the country, I will someday be able to meet up with you so we can discuss the arguable joys of Hammer horror while devouring durian (which I recall tasting like a combination of onion and some sort of melon, though it's been so long I've forgotten which kind of melon; I just remember liking the contrast very much). Somehow, I feel our mutual fondness for both of these things says something fundamental about our personalities.

I will someday be able to meet up with you so we can discuss the arguable joys of Hammer horror while devouring durian

Sounds like a plan to me!

Any chance of you posting (or emailing me) an LJ-to-real-life glossary? I have no idea how many of those people I met under other names...

I cannot tell you how glad I am that you had a good time. It ranked very high on my priority list.

Any chance of you posting (or emailing me) an LJ-to-real-life glossary?

Absolutely. Give me a minute to compile . . .

It ranked very high on my priority list.

Thank you for that.

I'm delighted you've had such a lovely time. I'm feeling certain there's more that I'd wish to comment upon, for it sounds all lovely, but I'm still exhausted with my own last week and I amn't well able yet to make sensible thoughts to say.

In other news, my head's aburble with ideas of things to write, and we'll see if ever I manage to write any of them.

It was wonderful to see you!

cucumberseed presented me with the Last Minute Panicked Vampire Mix!, which I am listening to as I type. mrbelm appears to have given me the complete Matmos on CD.

But drats, I just remembered reading this that I'd planned on burning you a CD of some Loud Family and bringing it to the con. Which I entirely forgot in the midst of con/travel preparation...

But drats, I just remembered reading this that I'd planned on burning you a CD of some Loud Family and bringing it to the con. Which I entirely forgot in the midst of con/travel preparation...

We'll just have to hang out at some other con.

Definitely!

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Someday everyone will know exactly what you did

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