In Memphis, on Valentine's Day

[sovay]

Diameter of mental blast crater not diminished. Outside is absurdly springlike following the double-tap of winter that required me to shovel my mother's car out twice, once for the unexpected four inches of snow and then for the glacial swamp the succeeding sleet turned the driveway into. In the process I seem to have inherited the Bat, the stupidest motorcycle jacket I have met in my life. It doesn't have sleeves so much as it has patagia. It is covered with snaps that open into flaps and none of them into pockets. The total design suggests that it may be so heavily constructed because otherwise in a sufficiently stiff gust of wind its owner could achieve accidental unpowered flight. It looks like an opera cape with ambitions of fetish night. My mother insisted on it because I had run out to shovel the first time in my flannel shirtsleeves and the second time my corduroy coat was obviously not adequate to the slush-fall, but it was a present to my father from my grandparents about forty years ago and it looks functionally mint because he has spent most of that time avoiding ever wearing it. In its defense, it is extremely warm and also I look like a tire. There will be no photographs.

Comments

[teenybuffalo]

*big eyes* But what if there were photographs? I ask because this post is comedy gold and I want to go on laughing at your jacket.

[sovay]

But what if there were photographs? I ask because this post is comedy gold and I want to go on laughing at your jacket.

Taken in about fifteen seconds because spatch had to run for an appointment—



(The effect worsens when it's fully zipped and snapped.)

[teenybuffalo]

I'm so glad I asked. I just laughed so loudly I scared the cat. Dear God, you could fit one person in each arm. Thank you for your service.

[spatch]

I dunno, I think Babby's First Wingsuit looks just fine.

[julian]

That.

Well.

I enjoyed the description, at least?

[sovay]

I enjoyed the description, at least?

I am delighted to own it. I couldn't stop laughing. I kept shouting things like "IT'S NOT A POCKET."

[thistleingrey]

In a novel, your father would've been spared it for This Very Moment--but perhaps becoming airborne (safely, of course) would interfere with your other plans for the week.

[sovay]

In a novel, your father would've been spared it for This Very Moment--but perhaps becoming airborne (safely, of course) would interfere with your other plans for the week.

I don't know! It sounds diverting.

[flemmings]

It has the questionable virtue that one could never wear a backpack with it. Or-- well, any other kind of bag. A bloke's garment, to be sure.

[sovay]

It has the questionable virtue that one could never wear a backpack with it. Or-- well, any other kind of bag. A bloke's garment, to be sure.

I'm just not over the mysterious absence of pockets. I have more pockets in every other outer garment I own including the overcoat from my brother's godfather that looks like a Chicago gangster. I have more pockets in my other leather jacket and that one's a decade older!