A deck of cards facedown empty on the shelf
Today is grey and pouring and I have spent it almost entirely on the phone with various agencies, doctors, veterinarians, etc.
Yesterday was warm and late-lit and for the first time in more than a year![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spatch and I not only went for a walk, we bought something while out walking and, since it was ice cream from Gracie's, removed our masks and ate it while sitting on the child-height wooden bench at the back of the small park on Walnut Street. I wanted to know what was on the other side of the yew hedge with ivy and raspberry canes tangled through it. It turned out to be a community garden.
I am having a lot of difficulty with the damage of this last year because it continues to feel criminally unnecessary, inflicted by cruelty and carelessness instead of the vagaries of the universe. At this point the primary definition of my life feels like the accumulation of irreparable damage, but at least some of it could never have been guarded against. All I can see when I look at myself is what I have lost. So I ran into a friend at the bus stop and ate a cone of ube ice cream without covering myself with bright purple drips and Rob thought I looked like one of our cats, meering up to see what could be seen. That has to be real, too.
Yesterday was warm and late-lit and for the first time in more than a year
spatch and I not only went for a walk, we bought something while out walking and, since it was ice cream from Gracie's, removed our masks and ate it while sitting on the child-height wooden bench at the back of the small park on Walnut Street. I wanted to know what was on the other side of the yew hedge with ivy and raspberry canes tangled through it. It turned out to be a community garden. 
I am having a lot of difficulty with the damage of this last year because it continues to feel criminally unnecessary, inflicted by cruelty and carelessness instead of the vagaries of the universe. At this point the primary definition of my life feels like the accumulation of irreparable damage, but at least some of it could never have been guarded against. All I can see when I look at myself is what I have lost. So I ran into a friend at the bus stop and ate a cone of ube ice cream without covering myself with bright purple drips and Rob thought I looked like one of our cats, meering up to see what could be seen. That has to be real, too.
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I'm not sure I expect the feeling to go away. That doesn't seem to be making it easier.
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Yes. It's enraging.
Still, I'm glad you got to have ube ice cream out in the world today.
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I am sure a certain amount of anger is a prerequisite of being sentient and alive, but I could do with a world that didn't require so much of it.
Still, I'm glad you got to have ube ice cream out in the world today.
Thank you. It was delicious.
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This has been an indescribable year. But in it I met you and I'll always be glad of that.
*husg you warmly*
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Thank you. It's a good flavor. They introduced it at the same time as their pandan, which made an elegant color combination in the same cup.
This has been an indescribable year. But in it I met you and I'll always be glad of that.
I am glad of it, too.
*hugs*
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I came into this pandemic on fumes, so I'm not even sure that I'm running out of cope. It's just so much and not over. Nonetheless: *hugs*
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Dammit.
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Insofar as I believe in this language, I think that's blasphemous.
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It has been, naturalistically speaking, a lovely spring! I wish I'd spent more time out in it, but maybe that is what summer is for.
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(This visual reference is helpful and superb, you are selfless, we have ice cream.)
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There's chain-link in that hedge! And branches of ivy! [edit]
(This visual reference is helpful and superb, you are selfless, we have ice cream.)
*hugs*
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It's true.
*hugs*