A deck of cards facedown empty on the shelf

[sovay]

Today is grey and pouring and I have spent it almost entirely on the phone with various agencies, doctors, veterinarians, etc.

Yesterday was warm and late-lit and for the first time in more than a year spatch and I not only went for a walk, we bought something while out walking and, since it was ice cream from Gracie's, removed our masks and ate it while sitting on the child-height wooden bench at the back of the small park on Walnut Street. I wanted to know what was on the other side of the yew hedge with ivy and raspberry canes tangled through it. It turned out to be a community garden.



I am having a lot of difficulty with the damage of this last year because it continues to feel criminally unnecessary, inflicted by cruelty and carelessness instead of the vagaries of the universe. At this point the primary definition of my life feels like the accumulation of irreparable damage, but at least some of it could never have been guarded against. All I can see when I look at myself is what I have lost. So I ran into a friend at the bus stop and ate a cone of ube ice cream without covering myself with bright purple drips and Rob thought I looked like one of our cats, meering up to see what could be seen. That has to be real, too.

Comments

[kathmandu]

"I am having a lot of difficulty with the damage of this last year because it continues to feel criminally unnecessary, inflicted by cruelty and carelessness"... Yup. Me too.

[gwynnega]

I am having a lot of difficulty with the damage of this last year because it continues to feel criminally unnecessary, inflicted by cruelty and carelessness

Yes. It's enraging.

Still, I'm glad you got to have ube ice cream out in the world today.

[minoanmiss]

Ube is a very real and grounding thing, like other tubers. I'm glad you had some.

This has been an indescribable year. But in it I met you and I'll always be glad of that.

*husg you warmly*

[cmcmck]

I too am running out of cope, so hugs.

[dewline]

Some people still think it sacred to be able to be cruel with impunity.

Dammit.

[sartorias]

I am marveling at that deep spring green!

[selkie]

What are you even doing, you feline queer walking abroad, what are you holding on with?

(This visual reference is helpful and superb, you are selfless, we have ice cream.)

[oracne]

I'm treasuring up moments like this. We need them.

[sovay]

Yup. Me too.

I'm not sure I expect the feeling to go away. That doesn't seem to be making it easier.

[sovay]

Yes. It's enraging.

I am sure a certain amount of anger is a prerequisite of being sentient and alive, but I could do with a world that didn't require so much of it.

Still, I'm glad you got to have ube ice cream out in the world today.

Thank you. It was delicious.

[sovay]

Ube is a very real and grounding thing, like other tubers. I'm glad you had some.

Thank you. It's a good flavor. They introduced it at the same time as their pandan, which made an elegant color combination in the same cup.

This has been an indescribable year. But in it I met you and I'll always be glad of that.

I am glad of it, too.

*hugs*

[sovay]

I too am running out of cope, so hugs.

I came into this pandemic on fumes, so I'm not even sure that I'm running out of cope. It's just so much and not over. Nonetheless: *hugs*

[sovay]

I am marveling at that deep spring green!

It has been, naturalistically speaking, a lovely spring! I wish I'd spent more time out in it, but maybe that is what summer is for.

[sovay]

Some people still think it sacred to be able to be cruel with impunity.

Insofar as I believe in this language, I think that's blasphemous.

[sovay]

I'm treasuring up moments like this. We need them.

It's true.

*hugs*

[sovay]

What are you even doing, you feline queer walking abroad, what are you holding on with?

There's chain-link in that hedge! And branches of ivy! [edit] spatch points out that while both of these things are true, in point of fact I was just holding on to the yew.

(This visual reference is helpful and superb, you are selfless, we have ice cream.)

*hugs*