I asked if it made any difference if I should cross the line

[sovay]

Formulated in a friend's comments, transplanted here with minor emendations so that I remember it:

Since I continue not just to dislike but feel actively alienated by the term "demisexual" even though conceptually it is the closest of the extant labels to the mode in which my attraction to other people operates (all physical interest in a person follows from emotional and intellectual interest in them: I have never had a sexual partner who was not a friend first and I don't even seem to develop crushes on people I do not know; I suspect it of being linked on some level to the part where my interest in people's bodies does not take their sex or gender as a relevant consideration), it appears that my personal fix-it is "philosexual," because the connotations of Greek φίλος "beloved" do not confine to a particular kind of love. The professor from whom I learned Greek always translated φίλοι as one's "near and dear," encompassing family, lovers, friends. "Philosexual" would accurately convey for me the sense of "hot for the one you love" which is totally lacking from the construction of "demisexual," where the focus is on the half-quality of the sexuality over the experience of its activation. Now I just have to hope this term was not previously coined by some deeply skeevy human being and that's why it never caught on.

(My alienation and welcome to it: speaking personally, I don't feel I do sexuality by halves, and sociologically I have a lot of problems with the idea that a person only counts as a fully sexual being if they want to climb strangers like Kangchenjunga. I understand the value of the term by the number of people who use it as a self-identifier, but the idea that I should consider the manner in which I acquire my partners a significant part of my sexual identity remains, honestly, peculiar to me.)

Comments

[sovay]

Thanks - I'll use "philosexual" for myself in future.

You're welcome! I'm so glad it's useful to you.

(This is not the time or place to start ranting about that horrible term "sapiosexual" and the people who use it.)

Is that a fancy way of saying "I only date people I deem sufficiently intelligent by my standards, which luckily for everyone else serves as a signal that I am in fact an insufferable twat"?

[ashlyme]

*"I only date people I deem sufficiently intelligent by my standards, which luckily for everyone else serves as a signal that I am in fact an insufferable twat"?*

I laughed so hard when I read this. Yep, that exactly! Everyone else would just use the phrase "minds are sexy". Wankers.

[selkie]

Yes, dear. That.
(I am picky and my tastes are hard to match with and I am a goddamn snob, but there is really only one! gender and orientation that uses sapiosexual.)

[sovay]

(I am picky and my tastes are hard to match with and I am a goddamn snob, but there is really only one! gender and orientation that uses sapiosexual.)

We can always eat him, too.

[selkie]

Is it ketchup or miso for the marinade on cispretentious manterrupter boresmii?

[asakiyume]

cispretentious manterrupter boresmii *walks off giggling*

[ethelmay]

I actually do know a bi woman (not me) who uses the term "sapiosexual" unironically.

[selkie]

Well, I did say I was a snob.

[sovay]

I actually do know a bi woman (not me) who uses the term "sapiosexual" unironically.

Data point noted.