It's too late to say you're sorry—say you're sorry still

[sovay]

So two years ago Readercon almost died in a self-inflicted fire over the handling of a harassment complaint. I was one of the people who worked to keep the con (a) alive (b) the kind of community we would actually want to remain part of. I think it worked. Our code of conduct is pretty cool. I've just become a member of the safety committee that didn't exist before the summer of 2012. I am glad that I can look back and consider these results entirely worth the experience; at the time it was mostly nerve-racking and full of adrenaline nausea and really stupid arguments. We became a cautionary tale and then we got better. (Note: I don't think we're perfect. Just not dead.)

I've been out of the house since this afternoon, but the last thing I saw before leaving was the Wiscon ruling on James Frenkel. This is the text of the e-mail it instantly provoked:

I would have been fine with this judgment without the promise of time off for good behavior in the first paragraph. If you're going to ban someone for four years, ban them for four years. If they radically revise their attitudes, behavior, and ability to apologize to people and mean it before the end of the ban, good for them! They are behaving like a rational adult human being and not just tailoring their actions to a timeline! Give them a lot of positive feedback and look forward to their eventual return to non-harassing society. But don't undercut your own decision by stating an ultimatum and then instantly offering the option to take it back. That just makes it look like you're giving the harasser a loophole—and the people who were harassed, who might have enjoyed the chance to look forward to a four-year breather, instead have to start worrying all over again: will this be the year he looks convincingly contrite enough that they let him come back and he upsets someone else? Penalties for harassment are not appropriately based on how much you really wish the person would get over their bad behavior; they are based on the bad behavior already done. This is very frustrating.

I could have written that more concisely, but I stand by the sentiment. I do not know any of the people who signed their names to this statement. I do not know their concerns, allegiances, stresses, or conflicts; I have no inside knowledge of the workings of Wiscon and I'm not asking for any. Regardless of the process, what it produced is an official statement advertising that the convention cares more about providing for a harasser's return to the community than about ensuring the safety of those community members who were harassed by him in the first place. And that is not the right order of priorities.

(derspatchel: "Exactly. This ban isn't about James Frenkel; it's about the people he harassed and their right to enjoy Wiscon in a safe environment." I knew someone in this house was concise.)

I have to run out for a radio show. Title of this post and current music courtesy of handful_ofdust, who hooked me up with Bastille's remix of To Kill a King's "Bloody Shirt." It is a perfect theme song for The Walking Dead. It seems applicable to many worsening situations.

It's too late to say you're sorry
Say you're sorry still
I stepped out with heavy heart
To bail you out again

All these things you do
And all these things you do

Get out and get gone
This town is only going to get worse
Get out and get gone
This town is only going to eat you

Comments

[kate_nepveu]

Yes, this.

(But I am excited to hear that you will be joining the Safety Committee! I honestly thought that new members would be waiting until other issues shook out.)

[rosefox]

Ditto this!

[sovay]

(But I am excited to hear that you will be joining the Safety Committee! I honestly thought that new members would be waiting until other issues shook out.)

I was asked and said yes. It is my goal to be part of not-the-problem.

[phi]

Okay I know this is a serious post about serious things, but "not-the-problem" instantly word/scene associated in my head with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNR4hKbSH7I

[sovay]

but "not-the-problem" instantly word/scene associated in my head with this

*snerk*

That is a piece of pop culture I was missing. Thank you, I think.

[gwynnega]

I had hoped Wiscon would learn from Readercon's example, but that doesn't seem to be happening, unfortunately.

[sovay]

I had hoped Wiscon would learn from Readercon's example, but that doesn't seem to be happening, unfortunately.

I was really hoping it would work that way! Readercon was so public and so nearly disastrous and took so much work to recover—much of which was done round the clock by people far more assiduous than myself—it seemed impossible that it should not stand as a there but for the grace of the safety committee caution. I don't understand what happened. I don't know if they will be able to pull themselves out of this spin. Readercon had a tidal wave of public opinion against it and it took this statement and then a lot of demonstrated commitment to the ideals expressed therein to avoid drowning. "These are official WisCon actions, and will not be affected by future philosophical or policy discussions" sounds pretty non-retractable to me.

[gwynnega]

I'm wondering if they're afraid of legal action if they take a harder line. It's the only thing that makes any sense to me, because they have to know that not taking a more decisive stand may well tear Wiscon apart.

[sovay]

I'm wondering if they're afraid of legal action if they take a harder line.

What could Frenkel threaten to sue Wiscon for, defamation of character? I hope that's not it; first of all, it's noise rather than signal, and secondly I can't imagine it would hold up in court. The key thing about slander and libel—legally defined as such—is that they have to be false. If it came to proving that the Wiscon community views the continuing presence and participation of Jim Frenkel as a threat, I think the exodus we're seeing right now could serve as Exhibit A.

I'm thinking also of the recent case in Somerville where a known creeper with a history of harassing, stalking, and all-round sketchy behavior brought a civil suit against the members of the Davis Square LJ, claiming they had ruined his life by outing him as a missing stair; it was incredibly stressful and disruptive to the community while it lasted, but the case was eventually dismissed with prejudice. There is no law that a community has to protect and tolerate its predators.

[gwynnega]

Considering Frenkel lost his job due to his actions, I don't think he'd have a strong case, to put it mildly, but Wiscon's posts about this matter have mentioned legal issues (in very vague terms) often enough for me to wonder if that's what is going on. If so, they're letting Wiscon's survival be held hostage to the fear of getting sued.

[sovay]

If so, they're letting Wiscon's survival be held hostage to the fear of getting sued.

I truly hope that is not the reason. I had not even considered the possibility.

[leahbobet.livejournal.com]

That's been the excuse I've heard from other cons when it comes to refusing to sell memberships to known harassers, and it has always baffled me, because the "We reserve the right to reserve admittance for whatever reason" is always right there, in every convention policy, ever.

[sovay]

"We reserve the right to reserve admittance for whatever reason" is always right there, in every convention policy, ever.

I can't actually find it in Wiscon's, although I might be looking at the wrong page—I was trying to find their code of conduct and the "General Rules" are all I'm getting.

[houseboatonstyx.livejournal.com]

It's too late to say you're sorry
Say you're sorry still
I stepped out with heavy heart
To bail you out again

And just on the day when I've got an ear-worm from Paint Your Wagon.

[sovay]

And just on the day when I've got an ear-worm from Paint Your Wagon.

. . . Are they breeding?

("Bloody Shirt" is an earworm, I'm afraid. It's been on more or less constant repeat since last night.)

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I really like this song--thank you for the link!

And it seems to go very well with your entry.

[sovay]

I really like this song--thank you for the link!

You're very welcome! It was writing music for me last night.

And it seems to go very well with your entry.

Yeah.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Excellent song - thanks for the link.

And damn. It really suits the topic at hand.

[sovay]

And damn. It really suits the topic at hand.

I know!

[jinian.livejournal.com]

I know two of the people from this committee fairly well, and I am shocked down to the ground that they released such a statement. Maybe last year was my last Wiscon.

[sovay]

I know two of the people from this committee fairly well, and I am shocked down to the ground that they released such a statement.

I am so sorry. I know I'm not dealing with anything like the emotional shock of people who are part of the Wiscon community; I'm frustrated and puzzled, but not betrayed.

Maybe last year was my last Wiscon.

You are not the only person I'm hearing that from.

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

I was so impressed by ReaderCon's eventual statement and handling of the situation, and so -- I'm not sure if the word is proud or relieved or some combination, given that I'm not remotely involved in ReaderCon, and I only know the people who are in a vague tangential sense -- but whatever word it is, I continue to feel that way, that such a response is possible, when we come across these other kinds of responses. And I'm glad there are people speaking up in favor of the higher expectations we should have.

[muchabstracted.livejournal.com]

Also, my apologies is my response is insensitive to the shock of the WisCon response -- it's all detached for me, as I'm not a Con-goer, and my reactions might be off. I am having a stronger emotional response, even now, two years later, that someone handled things well.

[sovay]

I am having a stronger emotional response, even now, two years later, that someone handled things well.

I don't think you're being insensitive. Much of the Wiscon shock seems to have been compounded by expecting them to handle things well. It's good to recognize it when it happens! Similar discussion is taking place in rosefox's comments.

[sovay]

but whatever word it is, I continue to feel that way, that such a response is possible, when we come across these other kinds of responses. And I'm glad there are people speaking up in favor of the higher expectations we should have.

Thank you. That is very encouraging to hear, in both the ordinary and etymological senses. And also I am very glad!

[ap-aelfwine.livejournal.com]

I'm glad your con has made it work. I'm appalled as well.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Both your and derspatchel's comments nicely sum things up for me. I've been involved in a similar situation elsewhere, and you've said pretty much what I've been saying there.

*is very tired*

[sovay]

I've been involved in a similar situation elsewhere, and you've said pretty much what I've been saying there.

I am so sorry. I hope your situation resolves better!

*is very tired*

Yeah.

*hugs*

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. I hope your situation resolves better!

Oh boy, me too.

*makes you an excellent napping space with a patchwork quilt, some cushions, a sea breeze, a low susurrus of branches and a surfeit of good, if drowsy-making reading material*