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I'm taking the knife to the books that I own
The Twelve Characters Meme, in the elegant ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lignota edition obtained from gaudior. Write down the names of twelve characters. Then read and answer the questions. You cannot look at the questions (or read beneath this lj-cut) until you have written down the twelve characters to use in your own meme. And so, I present to you . . .
1) Kahvi (Elfquest)
2) Deth (The Riddle-Master Trilogy)
3) Cain (The Sandman)
4) Jonathan Rebeck (A Fine and Private Place)
5) Boober (Fraggle Rock)
6) Doctor Prunesquallor (Titus Groan and Gormenghast)
7) Vir Cotto (Babylon 5)
8) Baltazar Casaubon (the White Crow novels)
9) Arnold Judas Rimmer (Red Dwarf)
10) Sempitern Walker (A Tale of Time City)
11) Patera Remora (The Book of the Long Sun and The Book of the Short Sun)
12) Stereth Tar'krim (Two-Bit Heroes and Guilt-Edged Ivory)
(Cut for . . . it's part of the meme, okay?)
Which would make a better college professor, 6 or 11? What subjects would they teach?
Heh. I'm not sure that either Doctor Prunesquallor or Patera Remora would actually make good professors—Remora is a pedant's pedant, and Prunesquallor has the apparent attention span of a quark—but I’d definitely sit in on their classes just for the theater of it. Remora would teach theology, obviously. Prunesquallor, either med school or perhaps history of medicine. With flamboyant gesturing and lots of charts. Hm. I take it back. If he doesn't lose interest five minutes into his lecture and decide to compose sonnets instead, he might be rather good.
Do you think 4 is hot? How hot?
Ah, unfortunately, I do not think Jonathan Rebeck is hot at all. He's a small, round-shouldered, fiftysomething ex-pharmacist who plays chess with ghosts and gets baloney for his sandwiches as a sort of food drop from the local raven. But he is rather sweet, and not as much of a Robert Nathan character as Peter S. Beagle seems to worry.
12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?
Inspired by legends of Robin Hood, Stereth Tar'krim sends Baltazar Causabon to raid the local tax collector and redistribute the wealth to the farmers of the Northwest Sector, while naturally retaining a prudent percentage for the bandits themselves. Casaubon simply strolls into the man's office (insofar as a six-foot-five Lord-Architect built like a cross between a sofa and a perennially good-humored Mack truck can stroll) and is halfway through an expansive introduction of himself when he realizes there's a leftover chicken wing in his vest pocket, and becomes distracted in feeding it to the pet rat in his coat pocket.
What is or would be 9's favorite book?
It's in the series: How to Pick Up Girls Through Hypnosis. Oh, Rimmer. Sad git of my heart.
Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?
Since castle doctors are usually in someone else's service and not the other way around, one might naturally assume that Prunesquallor would swear fealty to Deth. On the other hand, what use would the High One's Harpist have for a manservant? It's not exactly in the job description. Say that Deth swears fealty to Prunesquallor, instead; and permit yourself to imagine Prunesquallor's reaction about a third of the way through Harpist in the Wind.
For some reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should 5 share a studio apartment with 9 or with 10?
Ergh. Given the respective neuroses of Boober, Rimmer, and Sempitern Walker, I think the situation could go down in flames either way. But in the end, I'd have to stick Boober with the Sempitern for safety's sake. Boober and Rimmer would be like two hyper-compulsive Felix Ungers in the same apartment. After a week, they'd probably be found dead—one beaten to death with an astronavigator’s handbook, the other strangled with a line of still-wet laundry. And at least Sempitern Walker only flips out before ceremonies.
7, 2 and 12 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?
Vir Cotto, Deth, and Stereth Tar'krim would probably find some restaurant in the Zocalo to cater to the tastes of their various cultures, and they’d discuss politics, of course—Deth from centuries of experience and secrets hidden in plain view, Stereth with an eye to the Prime Ministership and an absolute ruthless disregard for anyone in his way, and Vir nervously poking with his straw at the ice cubes in his Shirley Temple, reflecting once again that it's been a hell of a life.
3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?
After three hours of ceremonial procession, as there are ceremonies for everything in Time City (it's a bit like Anatevka that way), and that includes duel-challenges by hot-tempered, theatrical Biblical archetypes, Cain finds himself bored to yawning, and wanders back into the Dreaming to improve his mood by killing Abel. On his way out, he picks up some mind weapons from the Age of Silver. These have possibilities.
If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would 8 get it back?
I don't think that Casaubon has any precious possessions for Kahvi to steal, as he seems remarkably unattached to objects (aside from his architectural creations, which would be difficult for even so resourceful an elf as the Chieftess of the Go-Backs to nick). He is remarkably attached to Valentine White Crow, Scholar-Soldier of the Invisible College and the mother of Casaubon's children. But while it's weirdly plausible that Kahvi might seduce Valentine into her life of warfare and heated sex, those being two of both characters' favorite pursuits, Casaubon would never have to do anything to "get Valentine back." A, he’s never lost her in the first place; and B, it's not as though he hasn't got another wife himself, over in the Confederate States of America. Multiversal polyamory!
Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.
Vir Cotto and Stereth Tar'krim? "The Ministry of Peace and Quiet."
What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?
An infinite improbability drive. About the only thing Jonathan Rebeck and Kahvi have in common is that they are both warm-blooded and breathe oxygen. And most of Rebeck's friends stopped breathing several years ago, anyway . . .
If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?
Assuming I don't make Vir nervous, I think rather awesomely. So long as I didn't let him watch I, Claudius. Or eat fast food. "It tastes so good going down. Coming back up, it's not so good . . ."
If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?
Cain: tell me a mystery.
Does anyone on your friends list write or draw 11?
I don’t think anybody on the planet writes or draws Patera Remora.
If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?
If I could imagine a situation in which Deth had to choose between Jonathan Rebeck and Boober, I suspect he would ally with Jonathan Rebeck. A man who can talk with the dead has odd talents. Although really, really good laundry does have its own mythical virtue.
What might 10 shout while charging into battle?
"Where has that fool Elio put my Semiotic Slippers!"
If you chose a song to represent 8, which song would you choose?
For Casaubon? Remember how I found you there alone in your electric chair? I told you dirty jokes until you smiled . . . And you told me not to drive, but I made it home alive, and you said that only proves that I'm insane. Billy Joel's "You May Be Right."
1, 6 and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?
While Kahvi and Stereth are locked in a standoff, the sort that involves edged weapons and laser pistols and clears tables for yards around, my vote's on Prunesquallor—unless he decides to take a moment to step back from the action and comment learnedly for his own personal amusement, in which case the pancake will probably be destroyed along with a fair portion of the Chinese restaurant.
What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?
Deth. Sempitern Walker. Pick-up line. The mind boggles.
What would 5 most likely be arrested for?
I'm contemplating the kind of scenario in which Boober's repressed inner party animal, Sidebottom, goes on a wild three-day spree and leaves Boober to deal with the hangover, the terrific mess, and the charges of general disturbance of the peace (otherwise known as Among Other Things, Leading A Chorus Of Really Drunk People In A Rousing Rendition Of The Fraggle Rock Theme Song Insanely Loudly At Four In the Morning . . . You Do Understand That Some Of Us Are At University For More Than The Free Beer, Right? Thanks).
What is 6's secret?
If Prunesquallor knows, he camouflages it with laughter.
If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?
Oh, Patera Remora would get there before Rimmer, definitely. First of all, he's lankier. Longer legs. He's like a heron in a priest-black robe. Secondly, this is Rimmer. The day he finishes first, the universe implodes.
3 and 7 tell conflicting versions of events. Which is more reliable?
Vir is more reliable than Cain. Without a doubt. Think about this.
"1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister secret organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that 11 is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
Let me see if I’ve got this straight. Kahvi and Rimmer reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by Jonathan Rebeck's sinister secret organization. Patera Remora volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that Remora is actually a spy for Rebeck. Meanwhile, Rebeck has kidnapped Stereth Tar'krim in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of Boober, they seek out Cain, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. Er . . . I want that infinite improbability drive again. And that includes finding someone on my friendslist to get all the references.
If you had to walk home through a bad neighbourhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?
Casaubon rather than Vir. I love Vir dearly, but there is a sort of benign immovability about Casaubon that suggests that any mugger who made the mistake of targeting him would shortly find themselves halfway through a broken window across the street, wondering how the laws of physics can possibly allow anyone who looks like a redheaded cross between Falstaff and G.K. Chesterton—with a rat in his coat pocket and grease stains on his sleeves—to move that fast.
lignota edition obtained from gaudior. Write down the names of twelve characters. Then read and answer the questions. You cannot look at the questions (or read beneath this lj-cut) until you have written down the twelve characters to use in your own meme. And so, I present to you . . .1) Kahvi (Elfquest)
2) Deth (The Riddle-Master Trilogy)
3) Cain (The Sandman)
4) Jonathan Rebeck (A Fine and Private Place)
5) Boober (Fraggle Rock)
6) Doctor Prunesquallor (Titus Groan and Gormenghast)
7) Vir Cotto (Babylon 5)
8) Baltazar Casaubon (the White Crow novels)
9) Arnold Judas Rimmer (Red Dwarf)
10) Sempitern Walker (A Tale of Time City)
11) Patera Remora (The Book of the Long Sun and The Book of the Short Sun)
12) Stereth Tar'krim (Two-Bit Heroes and Guilt-Edged Ivory)
(Cut for . . . it's part of the meme, okay?)
Which would make a better college professor, 6 or 11? What subjects would they teach?
Heh. I'm not sure that either Doctor Prunesquallor or Patera Remora would actually make good professors—Remora is a pedant's pedant, and Prunesquallor has the apparent attention span of a quark—but I’d definitely sit in on their classes just for the theater of it. Remora would teach theology, obviously. Prunesquallor, either med school or perhaps history of medicine. With flamboyant gesturing and lots of charts. Hm. I take it back. If he doesn't lose interest five minutes into his lecture and decide to compose sonnets instead, he might be rather good.
Do you think 4 is hot? How hot?
Ah, unfortunately, I do not think Jonathan Rebeck is hot at all. He's a small, round-shouldered, fiftysomething ex-pharmacist who plays chess with ghosts and gets baloney for his sandwiches as a sort of food drop from the local raven. But he is rather sweet, and not as much of a Robert Nathan character as Peter S. Beagle seems to worry.
12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?
Inspired by legends of Robin Hood, Stereth Tar'krim sends Baltazar Causabon to raid the local tax collector and redistribute the wealth to the farmers of the Northwest Sector, while naturally retaining a prudent percentage for the bandits themselves. Casaubon simply strolls into the man's office (insofar as a six-foot-five Lord-Architect built like a cross between a sofa and a perennially good-humored Mack truck can stroll) and is halfway through an expansive introduction of himself when he realizes there's a leftover chicken wing in his vest pocket, and becomes distracted in feeding it to the pet rat in his coat pocket.
What is or would be 9's favorite book?
It's in the series: How to Pick Up Girls Through Hypnosis. Oh, Rimmer. Sad git of my heart.
Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?
Since castle doctors are usually in someone else's service and not the other way around, one might naturally assume that Prunesquallor would swear fealty to Deth. On the other hand, what use would the High One's Harpist have for a manservant? It's not exactly in the job description. Say that Deth swears fealty to Prunesquallor, instead; and permit yourself to imagine Prunesquallor's reaction about a third of the way through Harpist in the Wind.
For some reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should 5 share a studio apartment with 9 or with 10?
Ergh. Given the respective neuroses of Boober, Rimmer, and Sempitern Walker, I think the situation could go down in flames either way. But in the end, I'd have to stick Boober with the Sempitern for safety's sake. Boober and Rimmer would be like two hyper-compulsive Felix Ungers in the same apartment. After a week, they'd probably be found dead—one beaten to death with an astronavigator’s handbook, the other strangled with a line of still-wet laundry. And at least Sempitern Walker only flips out before ceremonies.
7, 2 and 12 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?
Vir Cotto, Deth, and Stereth Tar'krim would probably find some restaurant in the Zocalo to cater to the tastes of their various cultures, and they’d discuss politics, of course—Deth from centuries of experience and secrets hidden in plain view, Stereth with an eye to the Prime Ministership and an absolute ruthless disregard for anyone in his way, and Vir nervously poking with his straw at the ice cubes in his Shirley Temple, reflecting once again that it's been a hell of a life.
3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?
After three hours of ceremonial procession, as there are ceremonies for everything in Time City (it's a bit like Anatevka that way), and that includes duel-challenges by hot-tempered, theatrical Biblical archetypes, Cain finds himself bored to yawning, and wanders back into the Dreaming to improve his mood by killing Abel. On his way out, he picks up some mind weapons from the Age of Silver. These have possibilities.
If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would 8 get it back?
I don't think that Casaubon has any precious possessions for Kahvi to steal, as he seems remarkably unattached to objects (aside from his architectural creations, which would be difficult for even so resourceful an elf as the Chieftess of the Go-Backs to nick). He is remarkably attached to Valentine White Crow, Scholar-Soldier of the Invisible College and the mother of Casaubon's children. But while it's weirdly plausible that Kahvi might seduce Valentine into her life of warfare and heated sex, those being two of both characters' favorite pursuits, Casaubon would never have to do anything to "get Valentine back." A, he’s never lost her in the first place; and B, it's not as though he hasn't got another wife himself, over in the Confederate States of America. Multiversal polyamory!
Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.
Vir Cotto and Stereth Tar'krim? "The Ministry of Peace and Quiet."
What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?
An infinite improbability drive. About the only thing Jonathan Rebeck and Kahvi have in common is that they are both warm-blooded and breathe oxygen. And most of Rebeck's friends stopped breathing several years ago, anyway . . .
If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?
Assuming I don't make Vir nervous, I think rather awesomely. So long as I didn't let him watch I, Claudius. Or eat fast food. "It tastes so good going down. Coming back up, it's not so good . . ."
If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?
Cain: tell me a mystery.
Does anyone on your friends list write or draw 11?
I don’t think anybody on the planet writes or draws Patera Remora.
If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?
If I could imagine a situation in which Deth had to choose between Jonathan Rebeck and Boober, I suspect he would ally with Jonathan Rebeck. A man who can talk with the dead has odd talents. Although really, really good laundry does have its own mythical virtue.
What might 10 shout while charging into battle?
"Where has that fool Elio put my Semiotic Slippers!"
If you chose a song to represent 8, which song would you choose?
For Casaubon? Remember how I found you there alone in your electric chair? I told you dirty jokes until you smiled . . . And you told me not to drive, but I made it home alive, and you said that only proves that I'm insane. Billy Joel's "You May Be Right."
1, 6 and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?
While Kahvi and Stereth are locked in a standoff, the sort that involves edged weapons and laser pistols and clears tables for yards around, my vote's on Prunesquallor—unless he decides to take a moment to step back from the action and comment learnedly for his own personal amusement, in which case the pancake will probably be destroyed along with a fair portion of the Chinese restaurant.
What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?
Deth. Sempitern Walker. Pick-up line. The mind boggles.
What would 5 most likely be arrested for?
I'm contemplating the kind of scenario in which Boober's repressed inner party animal, Sidebottom, goes on a wild three-day spree and leaves Boober to deal with the hangover, the terrific mess, and the charges of general disturbance of the peace (otherwise known as Among Other Things, Leading A Chorus Of Really Drunk People In A Rousing Rendition Of The Fraggle Rock Theme Song Insanely Loudly At Four In the Morning . . . You Do Understand That Some Of Us Are At University For More Than The Free Beer, Right? Thanks).
What is 6's secret?
If Prunesquallor knows, he camouflages it with laughter.
If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?
Oh, Patera Remora would get there before Rimmer, definitely. First of all, he's lankier. Longer legs. He's like a heron in a priest-black robe. Secondly, this is Rimmer. The day he finishes first, the universe implodes.
3 and 7 tell conflicting versions of events. Which is more reliable?
Vir is more reliable than Cain. Without a doubt. Think about this.
"1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4's sinister secret organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that 11 is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
Let me see if I’ve got this straight. Kahvi and Rimmer reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by Jonathan Rebeck's sinister secret organization. Patera Remora volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that Remora is actually a spy for Rebeck. Meanwhile, Rebeck has kidnapped Stereth Tar'krim in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of Boober, they seek out Cain, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. Er . . . I want that infinite improbability drive again. And that includes finding someone on my friendslist to get all the references.
If you had to walk home through a bad neighbourhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?
Casaubon rather than Vir. I love Vir dearly, but there is a sort of benign immovability about Casaubon that suggests that any mugger who made the mistake of targeting him would shortly find themselves halfway through a broken window across the street, wondering how the laws of physics can possibly allow anyone who looks like a redheaded cross between Falstaff and G.K. Chesterton—with a rat in his coat pocket and grease stains on his sleeves—to move that fast.
no subject
Rule. Though I didn't recognise most of the characters, exc. Rimmer. Clearly I need to read/watch some more SF that isn't Red Dwarf, Rowling or Cherryh...
no subject