Dudley Do-Right's such a jerk

[sovay]

Long before I actually read or saw anything that would qualify as a traditional Victorian melodrama, I learned a thirty-second parody of the genre from my grandmother, who performed it in three voices with the aid of a napkin doubling (tripling?) for the whiplash moustache of a villain, the hair-bow of a damsel in distress, and the bowtie of a hero. The immortal dialogue ran as follows:

"I've come to collect the rent."
"I can't pay the rent!"
"I've come to collect the rent."
"I can't pay the rent!"
"I'll pay the rent!"
"My hero!"
"Curses, foiled again!"

Did anyone else's relatives ever pull this out at family dinners, or was it just me? It has the feel of a time-honored piece of shtick, but I can't remember ever running into anyone else who knew it—admittedly, I've never asked point-blank. I assume now it will turn out to be one of those things everyone gets from their grandparents at an impressionable age. Internet?

Comments

[sovay]

We used to do it at my house, when I was a kid, too.

In any of the versions other people mention here?

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

This sounds remarkably like the summer camp I went to, but we didn't have this schtick, sadly.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

We used to do the version you did (I don't recall the you-must-marry-me part). I don't think it originated with the older generation, though; I think we got it from our peers.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Wow, great-grandparents! It's been around for a while!

[sovay]

Among the culture-capsule of books we took with us was a dog-eared copy of "Zoom", which was the accompanying book to the launch of the WGBH children's show

Oh, that's interesting. (Also, thanks, I'm having flashbacks. I never watched a lot of television as a child, but what I did watch was almost all PBS—I wonder what other pieces of children's public broadcasting are lurking in my brain.) Then it really sounds like some extant cultural meme that they picked up and performed, the same way bits of vaudeville were always turning up anywhere there were Muppets.

I, too, have seen no evidence that any other human being had heard of this until now; albeit also due to lack of question-pointery.

It seems to be popular (or at least popular within the self-selecting population of my friendlist)! I'm fascinated by this!

[sovay]

I remember lining up my younger brother and two of his friends, with props (two capes and a sparkly tunic, it's what was on hand), to perform it for our parents. They were less entertained than I'd hoped for.

I'm so sorry! Melodrama is only ever made better by capes.

[sovay]

We used to do it at my house, too.

Data point for Canada!

Also, my Dad would say, of something mislaid: "Gone, gone, and never called me mother." I later discovered that this is a classic tearjerker line from the melodrama Under the Gaslights.

I don't think I've ever heard that one. That's wonderful.

My family in moments of slightly absurd indecision uses both "I'm thinking it over!" and "It's a tough choice!" which are from Jack Benny and Taxi, respectively.

[sovay]

Yep, the last line needs to be "Curses, foiled again!"

. . . As opposed to what?

[strange-selkie.livejournal.com]

I was just piping up as to the version I knew. :)

[sovay]

I learned it from my great-grandparents, I think.

Dude. That's the oldest attestation in this post so far. Thank you!

(Also, I approve of adding the villainous laugh.)

[sovay]

I was just piping up as to the version I knew.

Well, it is an immortal line.

[sovay]

Yes! Not my family, but my best friend's.

Cool!

Where were they from?

They also included Triumphal Music! as the hero rode in to the rescue, with the intonation of a trumpet.

Thank you, you just jogged loose memories of my grandfather's bagpipe impression.

[sovay]

I don't think it originated with the older generation, though; I think we got it from our peers.

I'm thinking there may be two lines of descent—it's an older routine that got picked up by children's television and reintroduced.

[genarti]

Yes! I learned it as "You must pay the rent!" but otherwise the same, right down to the napkin. From my mother, I believe, but I assume she learned it in childhood too.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

That makes sense to me.

I remember someone somewhere--I think maybe at a Readercon panel, actually--pointing out that although transmission from older generation to younger is the classic form of transmission for folk stuff, it's completely legitimate to get it from TV or books or whatever. Good thing, too, seeing as that's where I get a lot of stuff, like plant lore.

[sovay]

I think I heard it at school, and brought it home.

In any of the versions cited here?

[sovay]

I recall this being done as a short on "The Electric Company."

That would be really interesting. This whole post was triggered by my discovery last night (courtesy of derspatchel in his Facebook capacity) that a joke my family has told for years—my grandfather is the first person I can remember hearing it from, although it has since become a household punchline, almost inevitably applied when someone has to repeat themselves more than twice—appeared in animated form on The Electric Company. I'm thinking this may be a time-honored piece of shtick, reintroduced to a wider audience by television. Comments seem split pretty evenly so far between people who learned it from family and people who learned it from peer groups and/or TV.

[sovay]

I believe I learned it at school but possibly also through PBS children's television, if not in the reverse order, in the "you must pay the rent" variant.

I'm not convinced this is a case where I can trace geographic variations, especially since TV is involved, but do you mind if I ask where you were anyway?

[sovay]

A close friend would do that with a pleated napkin as hairbow, mustache, and bowtie, in exactly the words you use.

Thank you!

Then she would mix up the gender and power roles by having the hairbowed schoolgirl threaten to foreclose on the mustached villain, till the bowtied hero came along and saved him from her. I liked that one, too.

I like that even eight-line stock-form parodies can develop their own deconstructions.

[sovay]

I cannot recall ever learning this, although it does feel vaguely familiar, so maybe I did see the Electric Company version - my sister and I loved that show when we were little.

I keep finding bits of famous songs or routines I learned from either Sesame Street or The Muppet Show, sometimes parodically altered, sometimes totally not. Jim Henson is responsible for messing up a truly epic portion of my brain.

[sovay]

It's charming. Thank you for sharing the memory.

I find these sorts of things interesting. It's like household folklore.

[sovay]

My mother a) does this, verbatim and b) has no idea where it comes from, since when I asked she explained that she got it from her uncle.

This is like songcatching. I may have to resort to books.

Thank you!

[sovay]

but otherwise the same, right down to the napkin. From my mother, I believe, but I assume she learned it in childhood too.

Apparently in some versions the napkin is a must! I had not imagined this was quite so widespread or variable a routine. It's awesome.

(I like your icon.)

[time-shark.livejournal.com]

In this instance, it was live action (in b&w with title cards,) but I definitely remember it from the show.

[docbrite.livejournal.com]

We used to do this in elementary school. I didn't learn it from adults, but one of my friends probably did.