To be eaten by some fishes who were eaten by some fishes and swallowed by a whale

[sovay]

I am spending far too much of my time in the free-fall cycle of pain and sleeplessness and not doing most of what I want with my days. After I finally passed out in the mid-morning, I had a sequence of odd, slightly broken and slightly recurred dreams of criss-crossing some nonexistent and familiar campus for a program of short queer films which had naturally not had the decency to materialize in my waking reality by the time I surfaced back into it. Discovering the death of David Ehrenstein did not make me feel better. Just about none of the news makes me feel better, how the hell should it, but I would appreciate my physical embodiment not capping further my ability to deal with it. I have watched hardly any movies this month. I am going to make a bagel.

Comments

[sabotabby]

I'm so sorry.

I dunno if there's a way to absorb this level of psychic damage every single day.

[sovay]

I dunno if there's a way to absorb this level of psychic damage every single day.

Thank you. I don't know. I re-read the collected letters of Werner and Elisabeth Heisenberg, is how it's going.

[desireearmfeldt]

I continue to be astonished at the overlap between your mental quote database and mine. :

[sovay]

I continue to be astonished at the overlap between your mental quote database and mine.

I listen to a lot of music!

[radiantfracture]

I hope it was an excellent bagel.

[sovay]

I hope it was an excellent bagel.

Thank you! It took me another hour to work my way around to making it, but it was extremely satisfying despite not being pumpernickel and the lox was shared with the good cat Hestia.

[gwynnega]

You always have such interesting movies in your dreams.

[sovay]

You always have such interesting movies in your dreams.

I was actually so annoyed about the waking absence of this program that I hunted down some short queer films on the internet and watched them and then I passed out on the couch again.

[asakiyume]

Echoing sabotabby about the psychic damage. I feel like I'm standing in Chernobyl in 1986 or the Fukushima Dai-Ni tower in 2011, and my body's beginning to show it.

If you can get queer film in dreams, that's something. ... Reminds me I saw No Other Land last week... I have notes of something I wanted to write about it, but the weight...

There's a character in the Tales of the Polity novel I'm working on, a malicious spirit whose presence causes a sense of futility and hopelessness, and I'm kind of angry at myself for creating this character in an is-it-in-the-room-with-you-right-now way.

[sovay]

Echoing sabotabby about the psychic damage. I feel like I'm standing in Chernobyl in 1986 or the Fukushima Dai-Ni tower in 2011, and my body's beginning to show it.

*hugs*

Mine has fallen apart considerably and irrevocably since 2020 and I definitely do not feel the last fifty-seven days have done anything to help.

If you can get queer film in dreams, that's something. ...

I spent about six months without normal access to my dreams, so it feels like a big deal to have the frustration of art I can't carry out of them returning.

Reminds me I saw No Other Land last week... I have notes of something I wanted to write about it, but the weight...

Understood. I would love to read what you write no matter what.

There's a character in the Tales of the Polity novel I'm working on, a malicious spirit whose presence causes a sense of futility and hopelessness, and I'm kind of angry at myself for creating this character in an is-it-in-the-room-with-you-right-now way.

I mean, I find it entirely plausible that they fictionally showed up. Love.

[thisbluespirit]

*hugs*

I hope you at least manage to get a little more on top of the pain and insomnia than it being on top of you.

[sovay]

I hope you at least manage to get a little more on top of the pain and insomnia than it being on top of you.

It did not happen last night, but I will maintain optimism.

*hugs*

[thisbluespirit]

Not really releveant to anything here, sorry, but as Beta-reader and therefore deserving of some share of the virtual candy and flowers they sent in my direction, I had to let you know that someone turned up on tumblr today sending me effusive thanks by two different methods for writing my Net zombie AU for Yuletide: https://www.tumblr.com/thisbluespirit/778380356415078400/its-the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it?source=share

(I mean. Clearly I was right about it being obviously incorrect that the internet had no Jack/Angela. XD)

Anyway, I hope today is... better than when you made this post? Not too much worse? Something better than nothing? [please delete as applicable. Even better if more positive options available. *hugs*]

[sovay]

Not really releveant to anything here, sorry, but as Beta-reader and therefore deserving of some share of the virtual candy and flowers they sent in my direction, I had to let you know that someone turned up on tumblr today sending me effusive thanks by two different methods for writing my Net zombie AU for Yuletide

I'm delighted to hear it! Thank you for telling me. I actually dreamed last night of rewatching the opening scenes of Mimic, which I had not even been thinking of before bed. Maybe my brain was just looking for Jeremy Northam in a contemporary-ish suit.

Anyway, I hope today is... better than when you made this post? Not too much worse? Something better than nothing?

I slept! I have not done much with the day otherwise, but at least it felt like a sort of recovery rather than attenuated mere existence.

*hugs*

[thisbluespirit]

I actually dreamed last night of rewatching the opening scenes of Mimic, which I had not even been thinking of before bed. Maybe my brain was just looking for Jeremy Northam in a contemporary-ish suit.

Ha, and why not, I suppose? Funnily enough, the same person was also talking about Mimic last night too. Maybe there were vibes.

I slept! I have not done much with the day otherwise, but at least it felt like a sort of recovery rather than attenuated mere existence.

\o/

[sovay]

Funnily enough, the same person was also talking about Mimic last night too. Maybe there were vibes.

*cough* you might need to write it some fic *cough*

[thisbluespirit]

*cough* you might need to write it some fic *cough*

I'm still not American enough to write something so rooted in NY! My ideal for Mimic is that somebody else will write me the wee post-canon hurt/comfort ficlet of my dreams. Possibly I might actually need to nominate it for an exchange some time and make a nuisance of myself, I suppose, but idk, maybe the New Person will write something. (They messaged me a rough snippet of a Net fic earlier today and I let them have an AO3 invite. I had 16 sitting around unused - I think the last person who was willing to take one from me was you! XD)

[regshoe]

*hugs*

[sovay]

*hugs*

*hugs*