Does anybody see what I see?

[sovay]

We have been listening to the fireworks from our apartment: a pepper-pot of booms and echoing crackles which the cats are enjoying about as much as your average thunderstorm. I am sure they would look marvelous from Prospect Hill. We were much too tired by the time we got home to find out in person.

We made our strawberry ice cream. We grilled an assortment of things. Last year my niece and her younger cousin chased each other around the kitchen and the year before that they shared a trampoline and this year toy trucks were the preferred medium of chaos (a garbage truck and a flying bus featured prominently). I paid as little attention as possible to the news out of D.C. except to approve when spatch told me the weather was bad. This Fourth of July is no more uncomplicated to celebrate than the last, but I realized that I have started to feel territorial about national holidays: the administration does not get to define them; does not get to use them to define America; does not have either the right or the breadth to define America. Neither does my family, of course, being one family with some friends to celebrate with, but I think we come a lot closer than a narcissist's gun show. The two trees in the side yard are growing despite the rabbits. The milkweed and the wildflowers are flourishing over the grave of Abbie the Cat. The air conditioning at least had the courtesy to wait until all the guests had gone to give up the ghost for good.

It was not particular to the holiday, but I read this evening and have been thinking about this poem: Sarah Browning, "The Fifth Fact."

Maybe I'll finally sleep tonight.

Comments

[drwex]

I found this 4th so terribly fraught that I was unable to celebrate it. I felt like my holiday was stolen from me by the fascists. I wonder if this is how the pagans felt when they first saw Odin repackaged as "Father Christmas" or similar?

[sovay]

I felt like my holiday was stolen from me by the fascists.

I am sorry. What can I offer you beyond internet hugs?

I wonder if this is how the pagans felt when they first saw Odin repackaged as "Father Christmas" or similar?""

It's how I felt about Christmas two years ago, not being Christian and feeling suddenly assaulted by it. The best thing that worked for me was to continue to celebrate in my family's non-standard, syncretic, inclusive ways. We had a total stranger this year at the Fourth, a friend who came with one of my friends' children. We welcomed them and fed them and they said on leaving that they'd had a wonderful time and looked forward to next year. They were a person who came to our house, not a symbol, but that felt like doing it right.

[drwex]

I have "always" hated Christmas. The earliest I can remember feeling this feeling was 5th grade. I remember this because I got into an argument (and was sent to the principal's office) for not knowing what a "Yule log" was. Because of course _all_ children would know that so my claim not to know was just me causing trouble.

That said, I've never thought of it as anything like "my" holiday. I loved getting Chanukah presents as much as any other child, but I recognized from Hebrew School lessons that this was a minor holiday and never held much importance for me. So I never felt like Christmas was "taken away" in the way I felt about this 4ofJ.

We had a total stranger this year at the Fourth, a friend who came with one of my friends' children. We welcomed them and fed them and they said on leaving that they'd had a wonderful time and looked forward to next year. They were a person who came to our house, not a symbol, but that felt like doing it right.

That's wonderful. I'm glad you were able to do that and thank you for sharing that story with me. As to what anyone can offer? I dunno. More assistance getting out the message that "never again" is now, and those are my religious leaders getting arrested for blockading the ICE office by the Suffolk Courthouse and... I dunno.

[sovay]

I remember this because I got into an argument (and was sent to the principal's office) for not knowing what a "Yule log" was.

I knew what a Yule log was from fiction, either Susan Cooper's The Dark Is Rising (1973) or Natalie Savage Carlson's The Family Under the Bridge (1958). I've still never seen one in the wild. I am sorry you grew up in surroundings that expected you to have.

I know it's a minor holiday in the scheme of the ritual calendar, but increasingly Hanukkah does feel important to me, not because it's the Christmas-adjacent winter analogue, but as the festival of not assimilating. Especially now, I am going to hold on to that no matter what its complicated antecedents. (I formed a lot of my feelings about Hanukkah from Lights (1984).)

That's wonderful. I'm glad you were able to do that and thank you for sharing that story with me.

You're welcome. The stranger came as a surprise to us and we were glad of them.

and those are my religious leaders getting arrested for blockading the ICE office by the Suffolk Courthouse and...

Do you mean that literally? If so, I have seen your rabbi at a couple of political events now and they seem awesome.

(I marched on Tuesday. Did I miss you in the crowd?)

[drwex]

I've still never seen [a Yule log] in the wild.

I finally did, well into adulthood. My aunt was Christian and we would go places as a family for Xmas dinner. One of the places we went had an old-fashioned fireplace and the log.

increasingly Hanukkah does feel important to me, not because it's the Christmas-adjacent winter analogue, but as the festival of not assimilating

Very good point. I hadn't considered it from that angle. I will read your entry on Lights; thanks for the link.

Do you mean that literally?

No. I don't have "a" rabbi, just a group I increasingly identify with and have gone to a couple events they've been visible at. I didn't even know the blockade was going to happen until I stumbled across the livestream of the arrests on my twitter feed.

The family that was attacked in the Arlington firebombing was the people who taught our kids for their b'nei mitzvot. That was pretty personal.

(I marched on Tuesday. Did I miss you in the crowd?)

I'm glad you did. I did not know it was happening. I might have, had I known. I was just back in the country from four days in Iceland and spent the day buried under a large pile of paid-work things.

[sovay]

My aunt was Christian and we would go places as a family for Xmas dinner. One of the places we went had an old-fashioned fireplace and the log.

I hope it looked sufficiently exciting for all that trouble (said ironically).

Very good point. I hadn't considered it from that angle. I will read your entry on Lights; thanks for the link.

I tend to link when it seems easier than recapitulating in comments. We used to watch Lights every year for Hanukkah; we'd taped it off the TV when I was very small. Eventually the tape wore out and we replaced it with an official VHS. It must be on DVD these days. I think one year I tracked it down on YouTube.

I don't have "a" rabbi, just a group I increasingly identify with and have gone to a couple events they've been visible at.

Gotcha. May I ask which one? There were a bunch of Jewish groups involved in this protest.

The family that was attacked in the Arlington firebombing was the people who taught our kids for their b'nei mitzvot. That was pretty personal.

I can see that it would be. I didn't know them as people, but I'd walked by their house and I grew up in Arlington; it was personal by proximity.

I was just back in the country from four days in Iceland and spent the day buried under a large pile of paid-work things.

That sounds exhausting and not at all politically satisfying.

I suspect there will be more protests, and you and yours should come. I'll try to give more heads-up than I got with this one—it only hit the listserve where I found it the day before it happened.