This is just to say that I, too, also hear it as "I wish that I was Jesse's girl" and then find myself wondering if both singer and aforementioned Jesse are meant to be women.

I would love to hear an all-female version of that song. You might need to change a couple of pronouns, but I don't think it would hurt it.

(I think it's actually supposed to be a straight guy lamenting that his straight guy friend is already dating the woman he has a crush on, right? It ALWAYS sounds a lot gayer than that to me, ok.)

I think your reading of the original lyrics is correct, but also: yeah.

I like your icon.