I preserved my umbrella by the simple expedient of downfurling it and getting soaked. The longest-lasting umbrella I ever had was the cheapest and ugliest: a seventies atrocity ringed in chartreuse, Tang orange, electric violet, and hippo-shit brown. Had that for over 30 years. Couldn't lose it, couldn't break it, couldn't wear it out. Until one day, I opened it and every rib and joint and strut in it disarticulated, and it fell apart, like the Deacon's masterpiece.

The nice ones go first.

Nine