Well, I think your lines look as though they just occurred to you in a thunderclap of perfectly evocative prose.

Well, that's good!

(Thank you.)

Still, I know that searching for the right arrangement of the right words... and when your mind won't light on the right one, its just wrong somehow, although you don't know why.

And afterward you can never figure out why the false starts looked like the right ones, except clearly at the time they did.

By the way, did you mean "place-of-pride"? Or am I missing something?

I wrote what I meant, but it was five in the morning when I wrote it.