"One of them just called up my mother's brother, wondering if he would like to send them money. Because someone's life is on the line? Because of dire financial straits? Nah. They just want a donation to their synagogue in Miami."

One of the many nice things about Yiddish is that it has lots of colorful words to describe people like these. Hopefully your uncle used some of them.

Meshugnia schmuck putzes...

I had a serious failure of my sense of balance many years ago. I was no fun at all, and I hope you make a speedy recovery.