It's still awful to have to keep doing the work, and keep fighting the fight. But it's the shape of the world and it's worth doing, and the victories do happen and do matter.

Besides which I don't know what else to do.

*hugs*

Of the three original books, I actually have the least connection with High Wizardry, except for everything at the end with the Lone Power: a great disastrous fall like a lightning-stricken tower's. Which parts of L'Engle fit into this constellation for you?