You are certainly the only parent-caliber adult they don’t regard as Truly, Regrettably Deficient, Touched By The Gods, We Must Pity Them.

It remains an honor!

I can tell I am one of your several best friends because you get so ornery when I have heart attacks.

Of course you are, but the entire situation seems rather more complex than the bestie jewelry a frightening amount of pop culture and advertising seems to suggest people actually wear.

Edit: also your dossiers of my enemies

Would I be any kind of friend at all without them?

*hugs*

Edits: Also, also, I appreciate your embrace of meme culture here. I might make the child do the meme. BAHAHA.

Offer them the opportunity! Excellence or serious injury!

Also also, also, I fairly-automatically say my favorite part of being queer is the ladies, except this has not been correct in any real sense for such a while. I will have to find a new conversational shorthand for "if I have ever wanted to express my attraction to you, odds are 10/10 you should find a good gender clinic."

You can still say the ladies, just with an asterisk!