vass: Small turtle with green leaf in its mouth (Default)
Vass ([personal profile] vass) wrote in [personal profile] sovay 2021-01-27 04:37 am (UTC)

I remember when that research got popular, and then a small backlash a while afterwards, from people pointing out that replacing praise-for-talent with praise-for-effort is not a foolproof way of not fucking up your kids.

It's true that the failure modes of "You're innately smart" are "I failed at this: I must not be innately smart [at it]. There's no point in trying." and "Oops, I never learned how to persist at things I don't understand right away!"

However, the failure modes of "You're trying so hard/you never give up" are "I'm not succeeding, so I must not be trying even if it feels like I am" and "[especially for learning disabled or developmentally disabled or mentally ill kids] I'm being blamed for not trying hard enough/at all, despite trying very hard, because only success is taken as evidence of effort." (possibly with a corollary of "Looking busy is the most important life skill"), and "Making a strategic retreat, or cutting my losses, or even just regrouping and trying a different approach, would mean I'm useless and terrible."

This stuff is hard.

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