On damage and different kinds of anger: Martha C. Nussbaum, "The Weakness of the Furies."

I just finished this, and it's full of much wisdom. I'm reminded of something my partner teaotter learned when she got her undergrad in Communication, and which has held up to observation by both of us - stereotypical feminine behaviors are also inherently subordinate behaviors, and to a large degree people who are most comfortable acting in a feminine manner are most comfortable acting in a subordinate manner.

Sadly, the most common response I've seen to this knowledge (at least in the US) are exclamations that all women should act in a more masculine manner, rather than an understanding that both modes can be useful, and that people should be allowed use either depending upon situation and preference, rather than anyone being expected to always act in a subordinate or dominant manner.