but by the time they get home with the sturdy little tyke played by George "Spanky" McFarland, the intended father has kissed and made up with his syncretic goddess and skedaddled, leaving our heroes literally holding the baby.

--After the quote about Juno, Venus, and Aphrodite, your line about the syncretic goddess made me laugh out loud. Same with "Best abbreviated Midsummer ever.